Triggering (SI/OD) - My First Post...

[Pink_and_Sparkly]

This is my first post on this site... I'm a bit unsure of what to say.

Life is not so great right now. I'm 24 and have been self harming since I was 14. Although my life has changed dramatically since then and in many ways improved, I always end up back with self harming. When I was in my teens I took an OD and ended up getting professional help, medication etc. Since then I went to Uni, moved a long way from home and never went back. Since being at Uni and finishing Uni I have never spoken to anyone professionally about my problems. I hoped/thought they'd gone away.

6 months ago I split up from my long term boyfriend. I moved house, to another part of my city, still 100's of miles away from all my family. I started a new job 4 days later and had a car crash 3 weeks after that. I got through it with the help of my extremely amazing best friend, and close friends.

About 2 months ago, I started to feel depressed. Not just down, but seriously depressed, so much that I couldn't get out of bed some days, I stopped eating, sleeping, going out. It was hell. My best friend booked me a doctors appointment and she took me and the doctor gave me antidepressants. I thought I was getting better - Ive been on them nearly 4 weeks now.

Then the weekend just gone was awful though. I don't know why but I just flipped out. I went out for dinner with my best friend, where i cried for an hour through the whole meal. In the end I went home, where I drank half a bottle of wine and swallowed a handful of prescribed sleeping tablets and painkillers and I self harmed all down my arms badly. I don't know if I want to end my life or if I was just drunk and confused.

30 mins later I called my best friend, she came over and took me to A and E - which to be honest I don't remember much about - the sleeping tablets and alcohol made me drowsy. After 5-6 hours there and numerous tests I was okay enough to go home. The doctor kept asking me if I had taken it to end my life, but I kept telling him I was just tired and had wanted to sleep. I slept most of Sunday and then cried my way through another meal on Sunday evening.

This morning I have got up, gone to work and carried on like nothing has happened... I'm struggling though. No one knows anything of the events of the weekend other than my best friend. I have a doctors appointment later this week, but I don't want to go because I know my friend will make me tell the doctor the events of the weekend and about my self harming and it scares me. I feel pretty lost, confused and dazed. I feel like im not really living at the moment, just floating through like a dream, or nightmare...

[88shelz]

*massive hugs*
hunni please please try and speak to a professional.
~you obviously have alot goin on at the minute.
talking through things will help.
you seem to have a good friend. do you think you could talk to her about how you feel?
welcome to ?RYL xx

[JinX]

thought id reply, as i know how horrible it is when you need advice or someone to talk to and theres no one out there!

as much as you hate to hear it, it is best for you to go to the docotrs to get some advice, or help. your doctor may decide you need to increase your medication, or even to change it. it took me 5 different types of anti-depressants til i found the wrong one. i hate doctors, but i was going to see mine up to 3 times a week at one point! anyway, back to you! you've been through a lot. it might make things easier to talk it through with a professional (i hate that word, sorry!). get your friend to go to the doctors with you again, it will give you some added support, she may remember to say things you forget. she is just trying to do the best for you.
if you want to talk anytime, just pm me.
hope things go ok for you
JinX
XxX

[Sleepless123]

Hey i just wanted to say welcome to the RYL site and sorry that i didn't see this sooner!!

It seems your having a really hard time right now.

i know you have a good friend but i do think you really do need to try and attend this doctors appointment later in the week if you can.

i know it is really really scary - i dont doubt that for one moment but maybe it would be good if he could know some of/all of what has happened since you last saw him cos it is only that way he can help you best?

i know it can be really hard to share this kind of thing with doctors etc though.

im just concerned you get the right care,help and support when you are going through such a difficult time.

Take your friend for support or maybe even write something down for the doctor if you would prefer or rehearse the things youd like to say beforehand or something?

Sorry my ideas probably arent that good.i guess im just thinking out loud.

And regarding the medication im sorry you feel the anti-depressants arent working for you.

It may be that they will take longer to kick in as i know some can take a bit longer than a month.Or it may be you arent on the right thing for you or the dosage may need to be adjusted or something.But this type of thing should always only be dealt with in consultation with your doctor/healthcare professional [ie dont try to change dosage/come off them yourself] so again perhaps this is something you really need to mention to your doctor if you are able to at your appointment?

i just want to wish you good luck and let you know i read and am sorry things are so hard.Please let us know how things are going for you and i will be thinking of you.Please keep posting if it helps and also feel free to PM [private message] me anytime if you ever need a friend!Good luck.And well done for being brave and going to the docs and posting here!