Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - My imagination

[Netsirkylime]

I don't know what I hope to get from this... but I'm afraid and it's for no reason. Lately, and even for a really long time now, I've been having dreams about my dad. He always abuses me, sexually emotionally and physically in these dreams. Even tho he has never so much as touched me, I still get these dreams. I don't understand it, and I am terrified of being alone with him.
He's a good dad most of the time, he has a bad temper so he yells about everything and he's constantly picking on me but it's nothing like the dreams i have.
He'd never do anything like that to me, at least I don't see why he would... but these dreams are terrifying and making it hard to be around my father.. and it's making me want to end them, permanently... I don't know what to do, this is just so frustrating...
Why is my imagination doing this to me?

[Stellata]

Somehow there's a theme of violation and intrusion, perhaps ridicule. The mind can internalise being treated badly and painfully, and amplify it to get a point across. I don't know exactly what your dreams might be telling you, but it might be an indicator of how you demean or riducle yourself, of how you have a troubled relationship with your own body.
So, although your actual dad is a factor in what hurts you, your own treatment of yourself perhaps needs some nurturing support and attention.
It might help you to visualise yourself in a special safe place before you go to sleep, and again if you wake up in the night from a nightmare.

[Netsirkylime]

I don't know if I can do that... every time I try anything like that, my nightmares merge into my mind as I'm awake...

[Stellata]

Can you explain a bit more about how that happens for you? What happened when you tried that before?