Triggering (Suicide) - Bit of help.. please..

shadowdancer · 20-07-2008, 10:33 PM

Am so sorry to be doing this again, I know I'm not really a very valuable member of this community cause I'm generally just whining about something.. but I really need help.

I am currently taking Fluoxetine 40mg/day and Quetiapine 100mg/day and I seem to be getting worse and worse.

I have massive mood swings and they just get more severe by the day. I can be relativley ok but then within minutes I drop right down to practically suicidally depressed.

I can't cry, I haven't been able to cry for months. I used to cry at everything but now I can't cry at all.

I feel trapped. It's hard to explain but even if I'm outside in the middle of the biggest open space I feel trapped and claustropobic and I keep getting really panicky. I feel worse when I'm in a smaller space but I can't escape this feeling...

I feel like I need to cut ties with this world and escape because I feel like I'm chained to this life and I don't want it. I want to be free.

I keep reliving the night when the police came up to the bridge and spoke to my friend on the phone.. and it just pulls me back because I want to do it again but this time before they even set off from the station I just want to feel the air rushing past me and my feet leaving the certainty of the solid ground and leaping into the air...

88shelz · 21-07-2008, 11:47 AM

*grabs you from the edge and holds you tight*
get yourself to the doctor and ask for you meds to be upped! i feel like you have and in the last month ive had my meds adjusted heaps to get me to a level where i am coping.

please talk to someone you ttust, how you are feeling is worrying hun and i really think you need someone to talk to and give you a proper hug.

as for not being a valued member her....please dont think that way. i value you and every other member.

please try stay safe . xxx

Sometimes Crazy · 21-07-2008, 01:33 PM

Every single member on RYL is a valued member of our community! Each and every member is special - you are part of our family and we need you with us! I agree with the above poster, perhaps going to your doctor and talking this through will help with your medication? I hear that you have this feeling of needing to "escape" something but what do you feel you are running from? And I truly understand what it's like to not be able to cry because I suffer a lot with that myself. I understand how built up and trapped you feel and the fear. Do you find it easy to express yourself through writing, drawing or any other means? I sometimes find it helps to do something creative and be totally honest with my feelings - even if I end up destroying it after. It's all part of letting the built up feelings go and then (maybe with the aid of a sad film/book?) you will be able to cry. Take care lovely,

xx

crazykat · 21-07-2008, 02:29 PM

I agree with Enigma every single member of RYL is worthwhile, so please don't ever think that you are not valuable enough. Also you are entitled to as much support as everyone else.

It sounds to me like your meds aren't really doing the job they are supposed to do. I think it would definetely be worth talking to your doctor, as the meds shouldn't be making you feel worse. They may need to readjust the dosage or even change the meds you are on. The quicker you talk to your doctor tho, the quicker you can start to work this out.

I am really glad you reached out to us and told us how you are feeling, I know how hard that can be. Would it be possible now to reach out to someone you trust a family memember, doctor, counsellor, friend and tell them how you are feeling so they can help support you through this?

Remember there is hope out there, things can and will get better. You just have to give it that chance.

Take care
Kat xxx

Cazki · 21-07-2008, 03:01 PM

*Cuddles you* Im sorry things are so hard for you. It sounds as if your meds are not working. How long have you been on the meds? Depending on how long you have been on them, if you have been on them quite a while then i think you may have to look into getting them upped or possibly changed. Meds should not be making you this bad so its really important that you tell someone how they are making you feel so that you can get hep to get them upped or changed please dont leave it as things will only get worse. Its important that you talk to someone about this as soon as you can.

Is there a family member or someone close to you who you could talk to? You could also talk to your doctor about how your feeling. The sooner you do this the sooner things will get sorted. Im really pleased you were able to post about this and tell us. I know its not easy. You can get through this. Stay strong. We are all here for you. You are a very valuable member and we all care about you so much. Please try not think that your not a valuable member because you are. We are always happy to support you. I hope your able to tell someone because it will help you.

Take care best wishes Ian

-Rainbow- · 21-07-2008, 03:01 PM

you are a valuable member okay?
you really are. you are venting. and you are allowed to vent. we are all happy to help you here
so dont stress it *hugs*
mayeb try talking to the person who presecribed you the pills and see what they have to say?
or s family member or friend for when youa re feeling very down.
*hugs agian*
<3
stay safe

shadowdancer · 21-07-2008, 10:30 PM

I've been taking Fluoxetine since maybe March, have recently (within the last month) been put up to 40mg. Been on Quetiapine since the same time, they put it up to 200mg/day but I felt so awful they've dropped it back down with a view to stopping it.

I don't know who to turn to even though there are people I could go to. I just can't shake this feeling of being trapped and unable to escape. I don't know why I want to escape it's just like an irrepressible urge to just.. get out.

I constantly think of suicide and the one thing that kept me here is finally ebbing away. I don't even think I want to die, I just don't want to live any more.. as crazy as it sounds.

Thank you for the replies.. *hug*

crazykat · 22-07-2008, 12:39 AM

Hey sweetheart,
I suggest talking to your doctor again and letting them know you are really struggling at the moment, so they can at least look at some better ways to support you through this.

You said you don't know who to turn to, maybe write down the names of those you feel you might be able to talk to and then choose the one who you feel you can trust the most or you can even talk to them all if you want to. If you are finding it hard to talk to someone face to face perhaps you can try writing them a letter instead, often people find it easier to tell people like that.

I understand the feeling of being trapped, like you can't escape. Is there anything you think that could be making you feel like this?

I totally understand the conflicting feelings inregard to suicide, I have often had them myself. THey just seem to add to the confusion you are already feeling.

I think the important thing to focus on is that a part of you doesn't want to die, so you just have to work on making that part bigger. Which is possible, each day you fight these feelings and start to look at the reasons to live you can start to build this part of you up.

Remember these feelings won't last forever but suicide is permanent, you can't take it back. We are all here to support you 100% of the way so keep fighting you can and will get through this.

Take care
Kat xxx