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My return to RYL (?)
So, I used to be a member of RYL. I joined just at the time of the ruin/recover switchover under the name of evilnomore, and stayed there for little over a year.
I was going through some problems and the thing I turned to was SI. I'm not ashamed to say that it helped in a really unpleasant way. It was like all of my shortcomings were all of a sudden insignificant, somehow the universe was a bit more level. But after a while I became scared of how deep I could fall into this world. I figured that what I was doing wasn't getting me any further, and I should really just face everything head-on, and if I still fail, at least I tried.
So that's just what I did. I've been improving on myself, and although I'm still not quite the person I'd like to be, I wouldn't exactly trade myself to be another person. I haven't cut myself in a few years, although I still have the scars. They're only faint, you would only really see them if you knew they were there, but I know, and I don't want to get rid of them. So I'm doing ok.
Which brings me to here and now. I've just come back from my gap year (in Israel if you must know) and I'm unsure if it lived up to my expectations. Starting university in september, which should be good as I got into a pretty damn good university. So right now I'm between worlds, between sections of my life, and I don't know what to do with myself. So I came to RYL. I was just looking around facebook, and I saw in my friends list someone I met here, and that got me thinking about the other people I met, and I wanted to find them again, maybe strike up a connection again. The problem is that I almost purposefully cut off contact with these people to make it easier to move on and out of this world. Coming back and looking around is very wierd. On the one hand, it's a brilliant place. You can find all the love, affection and friendly patience you could need to help you through hard times. It's become a lot fluffier and comfortable in my absence, so you're all doing good work, congratulations. On the other hand, it makes me upset. It feels like the people I met are long-gone uncontactable other-worldly beings who are just a little bit too far away to say hello to.
So I really don't know what I'm doing right now. As long as I'm back here I'm going to go and post my recovery story in the relevant section of the forums, in hopes of improving someone's outlook.
Matthew
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