So here's what my current situation is like
I wake up at like 4pm....
I stumble through the day not completely aware or present
I feel like i'm watching myself from a distance
Like an out of body experience
Like i'm not completely here
Like i dont control my actions
Like a zombie
I dont even know what day it is half the time
I woke up last monday thinking it was Friday
I had honestly completely forgotten the ENTIRE WEEKEND
When i told my mother this, she got mad at me
I end up going to bed at like 5am every night
Even during school
I just cant sleep i'm too paranoid
And i'm still scared of the dark
Im sooo forgetful?
I heard this was common for sexual abuse victims??
I dont know, but I just forget everything
I'll forget what day it is, what time, what you just said
What i just said
What i just did
I forget everything but the things i want to forget the most
My memories
And i dont eat either, I eat one small meal a day
Maybe a piece of bread or some strawberries
But i drink lots of water
I'm afraid this is turning into an ED too
Because i feel so ugly and i have such low self-esteem
But i think i mostly dont eat just because i'm too depressed
To pick up a spoon or fork and put something in my mouth
I'm at a complete whitts end here
If this is how my life is gonna be, then i dont want to live it
I want to die, if i have nothing at all to live for
I know i've already posted something in there, but i'm still lost
Completely LOST and HEARTBROKEN
AND NUMB
Mostly numb
Living like a zombie, is NOT FUN
AT ALL
How to i gain some life back?
