Triggering (SI/Suicide) - I cannot do this....!

Fitzwilliam · 17-07-2008, 10:54 PM

Sorry for posting, but I can't get into chat due to the fact that Firefox won't install the plug in needed....I just need some support....please.

I can't do this ! It all hurts too much. I know people are worse off than me, like what I've just been told by a friend, so why on earth should I feel so crap? Why? There's no f'ing reason obviously !
I dunno what the hell to do !
I took an od, my first one ever, like last week or so. And I guess I should tell my psych on Monday, but she'll have to tell my mum....I can't do that to her !

I can't live with what I've done to my body. My scars I hate. People look at me and I know what they think, I know what I think ! I HATE it. I can't ever go back. I want to....I hate this damn f'ing thing.

I hate me.....I'm just some useless piece of crap....Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. If I ended it, It'd be over.....over ! I just dunno what to do....

B-S-F · 17-07-2008, 11:07 PM

*massive hugs hunni*
You are not a useless piece of crap, at all!! Is there anything thats triggered you now??
Keep fighting this, you can do it!! You should tell your psychiatrist because 1. she'll be able to help you better and 2. it will help you.
Would it be a bad thing if your mum knew?? What do you think would happen??
Maybe people are worse off than you, but theres obviously something that needs sorting, and thats not your fault and does not make you a bad person! You deserve help as much as anyone else!! I'm here if you want to talk, PM me anytime day or night!!
Take care, thinking of you!! xxx

xxhappydaysxx · 17-07-2008, 11:10 PM

Hey hun
Firstly please dont apologise for posting - that is what RYL is here for.

Im sorry things are hurting so much and you are feeling so bad right now. YOu should try and talk to your psych as she is there to support and help you thru this, and even if it means your mum knowing it is worth it if you get the support you deserve during this difficult time.

Scars are hard to deal with, but at the end of the day they tell a story. I find the people who matter dont mind and the people who mind dont matter. It may sound like a silly saying, but in my experience there will be people who love you for you and your scars mean nothing to them. people you dont really know ... it doesnt matter what they think, although i know it is hard.

You arent useless love, you can get through this. DOnt do anything drastic there are other ways to get through this, reaching out to people and keeping yourself distracted help alot.

Keep fighting and take care
xxx

Fitzwilliam · 17-07-2008, 11:20 PM

Thanks for your quick replies...! It means a lot

I can't let my mum know, it'd kill her ! She'd hate me ! And she'd never trust me again...I mean how could I do that to her?
And my psych, well I'm not sure how she'd react....what happens if she thinks it's just all crap? Like my mate seems to think so....

It's just like all too much....like I'm eating away at myself...
I can't get away from it...

Easier to Run by Linkin Park, those lyrics kinda explain a bit...I just feel so low. And horrible. Urgh.

xxhappydaysxx · 17-07-2008, 11:25 PM

Sometines friend find it very hard to understand feelings - I think it is hard unless you have been there. i have found this with some of my mates and it doesnt mean they care any less.. they just dont quite understand.

Your psych is there to help you and she can best do that if you are honest with her hun.

I just looked up the lyrics of the song. *hugs* they are very powerful and I can understand why you can relate to them.

You can get away from it. It may all take time but you wont always feel like this
xxx

Fitzwilliam · 17-07-2008, 11:35 PM

Yeah well...my mate has given up on me. The one person I thought wouldn't....and who I trusted. I was sooooo wrong ! And stupid. How could I fall into that hole? They have literally given up on me....Ohh this hurts sooo much !

Yeah I know....I want to be helped....but I just dunno if I can be helped?

Cazki · 18-07-2008, 12:06 AM

*Hugs* Im so sorry to hear your hurting so much and that your having such a tough time. Your not usless at all. You can get through this. As other have said your psych is there to help you so if your honest and talk to him/her about how your feeling etc etc then your psych can help you. Your psych cant do anything if they are not aware of how your feeling. Please dont do anything dangerous to yourself. Are you able to talk to us some more about what it was that caused you to od and what it is thats making you feel this way? Is is because as you mentioned because you cant live with what you have done to your body or is there other things that have happened that are making you feel this way? Please keep talking to us.

Take care best wishes Ian

Fitzwilliam · 18-07-2008, 10:11 AM

I'm not too sure why I took the od but I was just so desperate to just get out of here, but it didn't work.
I really dunno if I can live with myself coz of what I have done, but also it's the rest of the crap that has happened. I just feel like I'm at a dead end. I seem to just keep on getting worse. It's nearly a year now I've been self harming, and I remember when I said it wouldn't get that bad. I never used to make myself vomit, but I need to lose the weight...! I just dunno what to do anymore

Bambi · 18-07-2008, 11:47 AM

hugs sam. iam feeling exactly as you do right know my best mate who ive know all my life my rock the one who said she would always be there for me txt me this morning saying she wants nothing more to do with me. so i know how you are feeling. all i will say is just hang in there sam please i do care about you. please dont do anything to rash hunny we all care about you here sam. cuddles.

88shelz · 18-07-2008, 11:49 AM

im glad you are ok after the OD.
death isnt your only option,
i know you scared and worried but i really do advise you to tell someone how you are feeling.
thye will be glad that you could open up. i know for a fact that they would rather you say how you feel and be kept safe that end up trying to end things again.