I wasn't in there long- at all. But it was okayish. I cried when i got there.
And they had to put in a syringe in me, to get my blood tested for all of the ODs.
My blood luckily was fine, and they said if it wasn't then I had to go on the drip!
. I saw loads of doctors and nurses. And the CAMHS from tonteg hospital, a therapist came up to see me today,
to see if I could get discharged!
I did.
Woop woop.
But it was horrible because I couldn't tell her the truth-
that I am completely unsafe with myself at home. I was in a litte childrens ward, they had lion king on the wall, and a playstation. And the food was pretty good too. Horrible going in, cause I almost walked out in at the GP with my Mum, she was yelling at everybody in the Surgery-
EVerYBODY!
" well your daughter doesn't keep overdosing, does she?"
The Therapist has to check up on me,this week, before my appointment with my counsellor. to check I'm safe.
And I need to tell her something-
I started Oding on the left over______ when I got back home.
But I have only taken one ___________.
Cause something really triggered me pretty badly.
We had to pick up my little brother and sister from school, and on the way, I had a fight with my Mum, I got so upset and angry that I slapped her. Then my mum told me the most horrible thing, my dad is upset with me, because he's scared he's going to go to prison.
" Hannah, he's living in fear, that they're going to take him away"
So basically, it's my ****ing fault that he could go to prison.
( IS VERY GUILTY)
I was planning to Od again to punish myself for it. And then something else really set me off. My little sister pulled my hair back and hit me on the head. My Mum didn't do anything because I had hit her before hand. It's all so violent and I hate it! Then they all left the car, ( We were going to the town of my school to get birthday cards for my dad)
And she went out with all of them.
I was alone in the car, and the buses from school kept driving past
and then one thing
set me off
EXtREMELY Badly-
someone at the back of the buses,
someone who knows me,
I recognise them but I don't know their names
kept swearing at me,
and laughing at me with their friends.
They could already see I was frigging upset,
I banged my head against the car thing,
I didn't have any tools on me ( obviously)
Helen, I'm sorry all of that happened yesterday, but I couldn't call you or anything,
I felt like I was in a prison-
It brought back every single ****ing bullying memory,
And I walked out,
Mr.Davies car was there, behind the bloody buses,
I was going to scream at him
" MAkE THEM STOP"
I had just come out of hospital for four ****ing suicide attempts and ODs.
And this was happening,
I suddenly wanted to be in hospital again.
They asked me
AM I UNSAFE.
I said i'm sure I'll be fine.
They said
DId i want to go home?
I said yeah.
I wanted to SI,
I really missed it.
It's very boring in there btw.
I had suicidal thoughts the entire time I was there-
I am like a walking bombshell.
there was an open window
we were on ground floor
I thought about jumping out.
But I wanted to get discharged as soon as possible.
The therapist probably hated me
*cringes*
I am going to cry to her when she comes to see me.
Telling her
" Make them stop in sixth form"
Because if it does happen, again properly
I know I won't be here.
I should be able to go to Sixth and not have any trouble.
Considering the amount of times i have explained in school about the bullying.
I am scared they are going to tear my family apart about my dad
it's all my fault!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx
I'll keep you all updated.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hannah
