I haven't been online for a while as I was starting to feel better but over the past few weeks I have been slowly slipping...today I completely lost it. As you may or may not know I was sexually abused as a child by 3 men, including my dad and then in March this year I was raped by somebody that I considered a close friend. I had a complete breakdown and ended up in a psych hospital for over a month as I was SI every day and tried to kill myself. I wasn't sleeping, had flashbacks and panic attacks.
I gradually started to get better and came off the AD's and anti psychotics. Now the sleeping is back to how it was, the flashbacks are back with a vengeance and the panic attacks are biting me right in the arse.
Today, after 2mths of not SI I went hell for leather on my legs.
I don't know how much more I can take. I wrote a suicide note for my mum today and went and bought a bottle of vodka. I have loads of morphine left from an operation last year and I know if things are still like this by the weekend I am going to take them. I need help. I can't do it alone any more. Please help me
She smiles with all that she has left, yet tears are left un-dried. And though she's got so much to say, she bottles it up inside. If you look past her broken eyes to a shadow no one sees, a disguise so you won't recognize, the girl is really me...
Hi!
Im sorry for what happened to you. =(
Maybe you could tell your mum how you feel.
Im sure she would want to know!
You said everything was better for a while. Thats great!
Everyone has setbacks-but you know from the past that with some help things can get better. You need to tell someone how your feeling.
You can PM me if you want to talk!
*hugs* I'm sorry you're feeling that bad hun!
I can understand that life is tough for you right now....do you want to talk about it?? I'm here if you want to talk, just PM me!
Ending it isnt the answer hun, think about your horse.....what would he/she do without you??
By the way....your horse is gorgeous!!
xxxx
"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
Hi, I have told my mum, and my boyfriend. My mum doesn't really say anything anymore. I think she is sick of me being like this. My boyfriend sobs whenever I tell him how I feel and what I do to myself so it easier not to say anything. I am under the local mental health team and I phoned them today because my next appt isn't for another 3wks. I was crying my eyes out down the phone and told them I couldn't cope, and I had been SI and had the pills etc ready and that I needed to see someone today or tomorrow. They told me that there were no appts and I have to wait til mine comes up and if I want to self harm to 'twang' and elastic band on my wrist instead. I came off the phone and physically collapsed...it's like no one wants to know and no one wants to help. I don't know who else to turn to.
Crazy Rabbit Lady I'm not sure what triggered it again. I could feel myself slipping and tried to speak to doc but he said to just keep taking the Prozac and try to relax. Up until a month or so ago I was on Temazapam, Lorazapam and another tab that I can't remember to sleep...on the highest doses and it still made no difference. Short of them sedating me I have given up any hope of sleeping well.
Thanks everyone. Feeling worse today. Went to meet my sister at the hairdressers...I know she only 13 but she knows everything that has gone on and knows how I feel. As soon as she saw me she gave me the dirtiest look and told me to go home cos I ruin everything and she didn't want me there. My mum just laughed. I don't know what to do, they always used to be there now its like they just don't care. I do ruin everything.
She smiles with all that she has left, yet tears are left un-dried. And though she's got so much to say, she bottles it up inside. If you look past her broken eyes to a shadow no one sees, a disguise so you won't recognize, the girl is really me...
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, and I'm sorry I dont have any advice really, just wanted to send you a hug and if you want to talk, I'm here.
*hug* xx
She smiles with all that she has left, yet tears are left un-dried. And though she's got so much to say, she bottles it up inside. If you look past her broken eyes to a shadow no one sees, a disguise so you won't recognize, the girl is really me...
