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Triggering (SI/Suicide) - i cant do this anymore
f*** i dont know what to do. i cant do this anymore. i dont do anything im just a f***ing burden. i dont do anything. i sit in my room. i dont talk to friends, i just cant deal with them.
my mom still hasnt figured out that i havent stopped cutting since ive been out of hospital. all i have is an dull razor, though im sure it could do some damage... dont know if it'll kill me. i need to die. i need to f***ing kill myself. argh. i dont know what to do. i dont sleep. i dont go out. the only time i do go out is when i go to therapy. then i sit there in the office and i cry. thats all i do. i cant say anything cos im scared that they'll send me back to the f***ing ward. i cant go back to hospital. so its just better if no one knows. if no one cares. theres gotta be an end to this.
doctors told me when i was ten that i would be better with a year of therapy and medication. look at me now. 5 years later and 10 times worse. they keep telling me that i'll be better. i dont want anymore f***ing lies. if people could just tell me that, whatever i do, i wont be getting better and that they would understand why i need to kill myself... that would be a hell of alot better than this. im slowly wasting away, though now it seems like its going alot faster. might as well get rid of the suspense and just off myself now. f*** and i cant even do it now cos my mom is in her room and she'll see me taking the pills. tomorrow then. tomorrow i die. im done with this.
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