Sorry everyone.
I was triggered to have a really bad 'splitting'/fragmenting/dissociative/borderline episode. I hope I'm through the worst now. These episodes re-traumatise me, and it's shaken me up some.
Last edited by Stellata : 16-07-2008 at 07:09 AM.
Reason: updating
*Huge hugs hunni*
I'm here if you want to talk...anytime day or night!!
*wraps you up in bubble wrap to protect you*
You can do this, and remember you posted on here which takes courage and shows theres something in you that wants to fight!
Whats made you feel this bad recently, do you know??
*big huggles* xxxx
"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
I felt that I should be locked up and the key thrown away. I was terrified and couldn't find myself. I felt like I was locked up and at the mercy of my inner 'evil twin' as it were.
Last edited by Stellata : 16-07-2008 at 07:10 AM.
Reason: updating
I dont know what advice to give, but is it making you feel better to write it?? I'm more than happy to listen, and give hugs and advice when I can.
*hugs, hugs & more hugs* xxxx
"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
*hugs*
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this hunny, I just wanted to post a quick reply and tell you that you are an incredibly wonderful, caring, loving, lovable person. I know things are difficult right now hun, but you've made such massive progress with yourself and should be very proud.
I wish I had more time to reply hun, but take care of yourself ok? My PM box is always open
Xxxxx
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
I'm not laughing!!! It does matter!!!
Please look after yourself!! PLEASE!!
*hugs* xxx
"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
*holds* im sorry i cant say much else.
just know im thinking of you, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and no one is laughing at you. if anyone is, they are ignorant fools
xxx
I don't believe anyone could really care about me, no. I'm too needy and repulsive, I feel.
I just wish I had someone to sit with me and hold my hand and tell me that I matter, and that it's ok to feel needy and sad.
But that won't ever happen.
Is it so much to want?
I keep judging myself as a needy child.
I'm so tired of trying to weed out what's me and what's my split off self. I'm just so tired of everything.
I'm doing a bit better now. Posting here helped, and your replies. I also got an email back from the Samaritans.
I also took some Pulsatilla [homeopathic remedy] mainly to help with my hayfever. But my hayfever's not budged an inch, and I feel better emotionally.. for now. I feel more.. myself. I just hope I can keep a hold of myself for tomorrow's therapy session.
I could do with some time off from work, a rest. But I can't this week because of some crappy thing with the union going on strike and although I'm not a member, they're not allowing anyone leave on these days, tomorrow and Thursday. And if you have sick leave you have to have a doctor's note. I know my GP would readily oblige, but it's the principle of the thing. Also my manager's off sick, and she's the one I liase with on sorting leave and alerting to my emotional state and such like.
Thanks Claire.
I'm still feeling stable this morning. Thankfully. I've not been myself at all, the past few days.
I have a really bad headache. But better that than 'other things.'
