Hi. Sorry I'm wasting even more space on here, posting another pointless post after I've already made one tonight.
I've made Dad hate me, by not wanting to speak to him, and all I want to do is die.
Mum's made a doctors appointment for me, but it's not for 2 WEEKS. I really don't think that I'll survive that long.
Sorry for being so pathetic. I just really don't see the point in trying anymore. Being ignored, only noticed when I've done something wrong. It really is pointless.
I have no idea why I feel like this - my life should be perfect, there's nothing actually wrong with it, I'm just a stupid bitch.
And Dad's started being really nice to me now, making me hot chocolate and stuff. Which just makes me hate myself even more - I don't deserve to be treated nicely, or liked by anyone.
I have no idea why, and I really wish I didn't feel this way, but the only thing that makes me feel better is SH, which I can't do deep enough now to make me feel any better because the blade I had went manky, and I can't get any new ones, unless I use a sharp knife from the kitchen, and I am scared that with one of those it would be too easy to go too deep.
he's not done anything. I just can't face being in the same room with either of my parents because since they found out about my SH they always mention it at any possible , which I really hate.
And my life should be perfect - I have good parents, I''ve never been abused in any way, and the biggest worry I should ever have is how much coursework I have to do, not how I'm going to manage to live past tomorrow.
sweetie, ur not stupid at all. i dont have any reason to si or be depressed but i am, fair enough didnt get on with my mum but generally had a good life, never went without anything etc but still dont make the hurt i feel any easier cos there is no route cause.
i would trya nd get an earlier appt, say you need to see someone earlier they usually open up emergency appointments each day. worth a try.
huggles xxx
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
ha. There won't be anything wrong with me. Awful as it sounds, I wish, that if I have to feel this way, I could actually have something wrong with me, just so I knew that it's not just me being stupid. But is probably IS just me being stupid.
I just feel so awful all the time, and I hate it so much. Today me english teacher had a go at me for not smiling, and said to me, "cheer up. you need a bit of the magic *mimes cutting her wrist*". And that just made me feel even worse.
Thank you for actually bothering to reply to me thread - you don't have to listen to my pathetic moanings, but thanks for bothering. It's nice to feel that someone cares, even if it is just someone online.
What's the point in getting help? No one would care. I'm just a stupid teenager who cuts herself "for attention", or so my ex-best friend thinks. And my english teacher shouldn't even KNOW about my SH. Yeah, my old head of year found out about it and spoke to me about it a while ago, but shouldn't she keep that secret, and not go and tell my fucking english teacher?
i doubt your head of year has told anyone without telling you about it and i very much doubt that your english teacher would have done what she did if she knew what was going on!
there is alwasy point for trying to get help, so you can get better and enjoy your life. you wont be the first sh-er that your dr has seen but yes some can be very ignorant so make sure you feel comfy with the person you see. if you are unhappy enough that you are cutting then you need help, i fought getting help for years and only after 11-12 years am i actually getting the help i need and it sucks cos i wasted lots of my life for nothing- im not saying im cured or even slightly better but am getting there gradually!
lots of people dont understand sh they assume its an attention thing cos its visible, but generally its not-we dont flash it about to get people to see.people are just ignorant if they havent done it themselves, there is no way they can properly understand
xx
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!! 