Triggering (Suicide) - train tracks

xXdrunk on shadowsXx · 13-07-2008, 12:11 PM

The other day I had a visitor (im an inpatient) so we went for a walk. Theres a path from the park which we went along. It goes across a railway line. I was fine on the way there cos there was a strager behind us. But on the way back I slowed down so my friend was on the park side of the track and I stopped. Right there in the middle of the tracks. I tried to convince my friend that it was fine, that there wasn't a train coming. Then I heard the train beep. And I wanted to stay there. I wanted it to crush me just there and then. It just seemed right. At that moment I was peaceful knowing I would die. But then I looked at my friends panicked face and heard him begging me to get off the tracks. And I did. Because I couldn't let him watch me die. That would be too cruel. So I ran off and he hugged me for the longest time, pleading with me to never scare him that much again.

I wanted to tell someone at the hospital about this but I'm too scared in case they don't let me out on my own anymore. I need that hour of freedom to keep me sane. But I don't know how else to tell them I feel this way.

Sorry if I've upset anyone *hugs*

-Rainbow- · 13-07-2008, 01:15 PM

*hugs*
i do think that you should tell them. you are there for help
and they cant help you with the intensity of the suicide if you dont
open up fully to them.
i know its really hard. but it is the only way <3
do you think you can do it?
keep us posted okay??
xx

Snow White. · 13-07-2008, 01:22 PM

It will be hard honey but I really think you need to tell them. Afterall, if you think he looked shocked at that, your friend would be in a lot more pain if you actually went through with it. Clearly you've got people who love and care for you, they can help you through even if your leave is taken away, and still visit you - surely.

Please - Reach out and get support while you have those resources there for you - it's the right place, right time for you to be needing this support so please, use the staff to the best of your ability so you can really gain from your stay there.

I know it's hard; but in the end it will be so worthwhile.
Thinking of you x
Aimee

Cazki · 13-07-2008, 02:54 PM

Hey *Hugs* Im really sorry that things are so difficult for you. I have to say i strongly agree with the others that you should tell them. I hear you about being worried, that if you told them they wouldnt let you out again but you do need to tell them if you dont then things could get worse im not saying things will definitly get worse if you dont tell someone but im worried that if you dont talk to someone about it that something could happen to you. Your friend really cares for you and if you told them he wouldnt not visit you. From what you said in your post your friend comes across as a really caring and kind person. Please please tell someone, it will help you. I really hope your able to tell them.

Best wishes Ian xxxxx

patch · 13-07-2008, 03:00 PM

You should tell them - the fact you got off the tracks shows that theres some part of you wanting to live (even if you just did it for your friend). I know its difficult (I'm forever standing at the tracks up from my house wanting to do just that) but if you can, do it and tell them!
take care *hugs*

Sleepless123 · 13-07-2008, 08:58 PM

Hey i was so moved by your post and im really really glad you managed to get out of the way of that train!!!i know that was so so hard for you hun.Probably harder than i could ever imagine.But youve done that - please now take another step and tell the staff where you are staying what has happened so they can help you more and work with you to keep you safe.Please be brave and be honest with them and either way let us know how things are going ok?Best wishes.

loopylucy08 · 14-07-2008, 09:03 AM

To me, the most important thing is that in the instant you made the decision to live You opted to move, and that was your decision and you should be proud of it. Even if you felt it wasnt what you wanted it, you did it for your friend.

As for telling the staff, remember they are there for your safety and support. If you volunteer the information, it shows you are trying to be honest and they may be more likely to let you out. Perhaps you could negotiate that a staff member would accompany on your trips for a while? I know you may not like that but they may be able to help you feel safe again.

*hugs*