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Triggering (SI/ED) - New here back into old habits. "Triggering"
I didn't really know where else to post, so please forgive me if i put in the wrong thing. I read all the rules. So i hope not.
I was diagnosed with BPD (borderling personality disorder) back in 2000. I went through a rough rough 6 years of recovery, which included hospitalisation, Psychiatrists, therapist CBT therapy, Medication. I was on ym way, I felt the last few years i was much better, even maybe "cured" I hadnt been on medication for about 3 years and i used to cut once in a while it wasn't alot like i used to. I was out of the vicicous circle that self harm takes you into.
FOr some reason the last few months, things have gone back to the way they were. I spoke to a friend the other day. She's having some treatment on her arms to have the scars removed. My dr offered me that and i didnt want it, they werent too bad, plus to me they were my reminder never to get as bad as i was.........well i'm heading that way again. I'm back on medication, back on drugs that just take me so out of it i have no idea what i'm doing most of the time, with horrific side effects. I'm back to cutting again, (when i say cutting i mean regulary) i'm back to crying all the time, thinking about suicide. First for me in about 3 years. I try every day to look at the positives in my life. I didnt know what to do. I used to go on a forum years ago when i was ill, but it isnt around anymore, but i found it a great help, and made friends on there i will never forget.
Hence my post in this one.
I'm not really sure if i am asking anything, maybe more to get off my chest and just interact with people who understand me. My friends as hard as they try think i am blackmailing them, think i am emotionally playing them, and some even think i have been making it up for the last 10 years!!!
I feel down. I just wanted someone to understand me, understand what i'm going through
Thank you for reading
S
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