Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - It all seems hopeless
Sorry I've not been supporting much lately, I've not been up to coming up with any decent advice, but I could really use some of you lovely folks advice if your willing.
Basically, Ive been taken off my meds. My psych has decided my depression is situational and therefore antidepressants are unlikely to work. Now I know the sertraline wasnt working, but it seems odd to just stop without trying to find an alternative. Basically what he thinks is that therapy is the only thing going to help me, but unless I can become more "stable" i.e. self harm and attempt suicide less, then no one will work with me. In good news he's decided I'm not BPD, however this means I can no longer attend the group therapy aimed at helping BPD'ers stop self harming.
I dont know, I just feel like all the professionals I see have a different opinion of me and don't know how to help.
To my GP I am just your common or garden variety depressive
To my psych I am an abuse victim and nothing more
To my mental health support worker she has somehow decided my main category is of "young carer" because of when I looked after my mum when she had a breakdown.
Right now it all seems hopeless, I'm too depressed to leave the house/shower/cook meals. I'm really struggling. And theres no way I can stop self harming because right now thats the only barrier between me and suicide. Yet if I can't stop I won't get help.
Rocks and hard places anyone?
Sorry I haven't really got any advice , just wanted you to know that I've read your post
I'm really suprised that your pych or anybody else has refused you help because your too "unstable". too me that sounds like more of a reason to get you help quick, I'm sorry that your pych thinks this way, to me this kind of sounds like nobody is prepared to take responsibilty for you, whioch they should do, it's there job to support people who are in your situation! I'm actually quite offended on your behalf,
I suppose the best way to think of things now is to try to control and tone down any self destructive behaviors (I know this is easier said than done)
because that way you will get help quicker,
but honestly I can't believe that your pych has refused you therapy because he doesn't think your stable enough, thats terrible!
Sorry I can't give you any decent advice, you can PM me anytime tho
xxxxxxx
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
Basically I'm not so great with phones, to the point where I hyperventilate and panic when I try and call.
Weirdly enough Nottingham's nearest MIND is in Mansfield which is not exactly accessible.
I've been looking into self help support groups in the local area, but they all seem to not be relevant, either for eating disorders, bipolar, schizophrenia or ethnic minorities.
I don't know, I'll think of something, it just feels like I fight so hard to get better and get help and then I keep having setbacks. Right now it all seems like I'm fighting a tide stronger than I can swim against. I'm stumbling blindly in the dark.Or maybe Im just melodramatic, I dont know it all feels suffocating, everything even looks different, like I've borrowed someone elses glasses.
In my personal opinion it sounds like you may well need meds to help get you to a stage where therapy will work but then I'm no Doctor.
It sounds as though you've seen a few Doctors and things but is there any way you could get a 'Second opinion' or express your own view on things (which need not be the same as my perception of your situation)
I get the impression you feel somewhat messed about which can't be a nice feeling.
Perhaps, you have been made to feel like you are being melodramatic. The thing is that nobody can ever know exactly how another feels only you know that Heidi.
My view might be strange but in my opinion, if someone feels bad and is reaching out they deserve to be heard and helped appropriately, the problems come when one person's view of appropriate differs from that of another.
Thanks Syrup,
I'm going to see my GP tomorrow, ask his opinion on the med situation. I definately feel lower these past few days. I've started to make plans even though I know I shouldn't. Its annoying, I can see myself falling,I can tell people how I feel, yet it seems there is nothing myself or anyone else can do.
I think being told that meds aren't the answer and that I can't get therapy until Im more stable makes it all feel a bit hopeless. I ean how can I improve with neither meds nor therapy?
Also I'm going through med withdrawal which is making me feel shitty. Which I know will go away. Logically I know I should hang on, emotionally I can't recognise that fact though.
Maybe thats something you can look forward to?
Something to think about when you feel like you can't go on, just think that you will be getting help in due time (therapy that is) and to hold on until then?
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
Thanks you two.
Trace I've applied for voluntary work in a community run vegetarian cafe near where I live. Ive not heard back from them, but perhaps if I am a bit more proactive in chasing it up.
And your both right about hanging on if I can hang on 10 days I'm off camping with Luke. *hangs on to the positives*
