Triggering (SI/ED) - It's a lot harder to cope than I thought

[Left Phalange]

So, I haven't cut since..6th June 2008.
So that's over a month now.
And it wasn't so bad at first because the last cut I did was pretty deep and kept me feeling okay for longer if that makes sense.
If it doesn't..I'm sure you'll live =D

Anyways, I'm finding it a lot harder to not cut or anything than I first thought and I'm managing it but I only feel like I really don't want to cut if I stop eating.
It seems like my only other outlet and if I eat, I feel worthless and a failure and I need to do something to like punish myself or whatever.

I really, really don't want to slip back into cutting again because it's what made me lose my friend
And it's a lot easier to realise than if I stopped eating.
One friend noticed about the eating thing and I think I convinced her I could handle it and just lalala

I'm just getting voices telling me I'm fat and ugly and worthless and I don't deserve any of the amazing friends I have or the family I have and I just want to waste away.

This is babbling now, so I'll stop but just I don't know what to do.

[stumpy davies]

Well I have the opposite problem, I comfort eat so i am fat, but none of us should feel worthless, I hope your ok hun, *hugs* maybe instead of thinking your undeserving & focusing on the negative, maybe try focusing on the positive & think how well your doin to not cut, I know this might not be of much help but just try & think positive, I know you can do it hun just think that we're all in this together & we're all here for eachother.

[The One Who]

*hugs* It is hard, but well done on getting a month free! That's good! You're not worthless or a failure, and you really don't need to punish yourself.

I think you feel like you need to either cut or not eat because the underlying issues that made you start this cycle haven't been resolved. Do you know why you started? Has the situation got any better?

Do you do anything to distract yourself from these thoughts? Sometimes that can really help.

[Left Phalange]

Answering a few questions. Heh.
I really don't remember why I started, it was too long ago and I can't say I have any proper distractions unless I'm with someone.
I have no professional help right now, there's something telling me I don't need it >_< . And my family don't know anything about any of this.

[Left Phalange]

But thank you guys for replying. :]
Really. Appreciated.
xxx

[Sometimes Crazy]

I suck at supporting so...
I love you Nic, yup. And I'm proud of you for posting and I hope you get all the help and cuddles you need.

*squishes within an inch of your life*

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And ya know I'm always here if you ever need to rant or anything :)

[Namaste]

I can relate to a lot of what you said. And it does seem hard to stop, but the longer you go the stronger you'll feel. Do any of your friends know that you cut and are trying to stop? It might help if you told them, so that they could help you and support you.