Triggering (SI/Substance Abuse) - Complete babling, but RYL is the only thing I've ever depended on besides myself...

CrossroadsAndBrokenHearts · 10-07-2008, 05:39 AM

First off let me say, I am drunk, high on more than one thing, and completely don't belong at this site at all. I haven't felt like I've belonged here since I stopped cutting.
Alittle background cause I'm here to babble. I was a cutter for well let's see from the time I was 11 until about 17, I've cut since, but only 3 times or so without the same passion and feeling I used to get from cutting so it's been kind of like a try to get back into it but I really just can't anymore type pf thing. Yeah anyway..I haven't cut really since I was 17 and i'm about to be 21 on Friday, so about 4 years-ish...
So for about 3 months now I've been getting very much back into drugs, I'm single for the first time in 6 years and when I'm in charge of myself I'm a fucking mess. I'm on drugs everything you can imagine as much as possible I'm broke a loser and more self-destructive than i've efver been more. I seriously CAN'T give a shit, I just really can't care. I want to care.

Wow. I had alot I wanted to say but I need to check out. I guess I'll be back...I would love to come on and give support but I find myself so out of place. I know I belong here, but it just feels so...ugh.

stumpy davies · 10-07-2008, 10:28 AM

Hey hun please don't feel out of place because your not & you where right to post if your feeling like this, I also am a self harmer which includes drug & alcohol abuse, Can I ask, Do you get any professional help for your drug abuse, for example a Drug & Alcohol counsellor, & are you seeing anyone from CMHT?, Do you take medication? if not maybe considder these options, If you do have these provisions in place & your just looking for some comfort & understanding or just want to talk some more I & many others here are more than happy to talk & support you as much as can. (HUGS) hope you can get through this rough patch hun just hang in there you'll be ok I promise.

sebyangel · 10-07-2008, 04:32 PM

Don't feel out of place. There are people here who haven't self harmed in years, and we love them just as much as the ones who cut an hour ago. It sounds like your going through a really rough patch, and I'm sorry for that. I find it hard to care about anything as well, but that's why I come here. I may not care about myself, but at least I can care about the people here that are struggling, and that helps me. Before you worry about how much you care, you need to get clean. Drugs distort your perception and you'll never get better while on them.
PM me if you need anything. *hugs*