Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Any Advice? - may trigger

[natalie]

hey everyone im 17 and have been self-harming
for around 5 years my harming includes cutting,burning and head banging i seriously want to stop but it seems impossible i swear im addicted i stopped for a few weeks but that just seemed to make me worse because i see images in my head of myself dead from overdosing slitting my wrists getting knocked over and alot more and while i was not harming it seemed to make those more frequent and more appealing so i just had to start again
(im not sure if i want to die yet although i feel it would be best for all)
also not harming just made me feel much worse than i do if i do harm
i dont know what to do i really want to stop this if anyone could give me some advice it would be very much appreciated thank you.

[natalie]

no i have not had any professional help as i feel so bad i have not been able to talk to anyone at all and have lost alot of friends and alot of people think im being rude im not i just cant bring myself to talk to anyone at all i guess you could say i live in my own world and keep everything to myself and just feel it selfish putting my problems on others.
no im not sure what is causing me to feel so bad i have no idea it may sound stupid but im not sure i know how to feel any other way and i dont know what to do

[natalie]

i guess i could try to write down how i feel and show it to a doctor.

i havent properly communicated with anyone for quite a long while the most is a few words when family talk to me but thats it and even that is so hard for me to do.
even posting here is hard for me

[airwolf282]

hugs nat hun. you need to approach a doctor you can trust. let him/her know how you are feeling and how long it's been that way. ask if you can be referred to counselling. some government run mental health centres have free counselling but i'm not sure exactly what country you're in. there are also self help support groups that you can attend that cost nothing/next to nothing. if you are at school you can talk to the counsellor there. i find that if you flick a rubber band against your wrist it causes pain but doesn't leave the scars and isn't as dangerous as other forms of self harm.

thinking of you x


nathan

[natalie]

i would really love to talk to a doctor or a counseller or attend a self help group but i havent spoken to anyone for such a long time apart from a few words like yes no ok maybe ect. and even those few words are really difficult for me to say even posting on this site is difficult for me.
like i said before i guess you could say i live in my own world i keep everything to myself and sometimes i cant even face being in the same room as another person
at the moment im thinking suicide is my only option

[-Rainbow-]

well i think its very brave of you to post on the site.
its a big step in the right direction you know :)
finding professional help is a good option.
in my experience the counsellors/psychs ask you a lot of questions and suss out where you are at and you dont actually have to do too much talking.
suicide is not the only option.
only consider suicide when you have tried everything else.
and you have more to try out.
well done for posting again. its hard to do
<3 stay strong

but do be prepared to get out of your comfort zone in trying to open up.

[natalie]

can someone please tell me how i would go about finding professional help
would i have to go to the doctor or what.

[natalie]

yes i am in the uk

[natalie]

thank you for your help it is very much appreciated i just hope now that i can manage to talk to someone because i really need to because i need the help suicide has been going through my head most of the day and im so desperate to get rid of all this today has been so bad with my head banging i know i need to stop and thats what i want i just hope im strong enough to get through

[Scarlet Angel]

Sending you hugs, hope you get the support hun xx

[natalie]

thank you i hope i do to but i doubt it very much i cant do what is needed to ensure i get the support i need.
i feel my only option is to die and i have my plans but i hope it doesn't come to that i hope i'm strong enough to get through

[dellwood]

Hi. Let me tell you something. Overdose is painful. I od a couple months ago. I threw up like crazy and had a headache you couldn't believe. Yesterday, I took a bunch of tylenol...not to od on...but to hurt myself. That was even more painful. I threw up, had a stomach ache and a head ache. It was hard to sleep also. If you really want to, find some other way than od...something fast and painless.

[natalie]

i know how it feels i have tried it before i dont care how i go i just feel it will be best for everyone if i do

[stumpy davies]

Please try to get the help you need but in the mean time we're all here for you if you decide you want to talk maybe by PMing any of us, or even if you can find one of us that lives somewhere close by who could maybe help you set up the help you need, hope your ok hun, please try & stay strong because believe me there's only one way with suicide & thats out & there's no coming back, I'm sure you don't want that I hope we can help in some way to make things easyer for you, *HUGS*, do let us know how you get on & if you manage to get more help & always try & stay in touch, I know how your feeling & it can be hard at times but you've got this far just hang on in there hun just a few more steps.

[natalie]

i will try to get the help i need
thank you for your help everyone but i feel im not worthy of your time but thank you for the help and advice and support you have given im sorry for wasting your time