Triggering (SI) - Has anyone else expierenced these things ?

[silentgirl]

I am just wondering, Has anyone been scared of counselling? Like, for example, i have dealt with my past by talking about it but it keeps coming back, the flashbacks and the memories of traumatic things that have happened over the past four years.

Also, i find it hard to talk to my counsellor about the reasons behind my self harm. The stupid thing is, that i feel. is that even tho its been nearly four yrs, i feel that something is blocking the reason for me why i started cutting, in the first place to come out verbally or in writing at counselling.

I think im scared of the truth, when i look back at what has happened, i feel small and foolish but at the same time, i dont know why i am in so much fucking pain, why cutting is so fucking addictive or why i cant even talk or cry anymore!!!

[l'il esky]

meh i hate counsellors, dunno why just do. have tried counselling 4 times with diff people and still dont like it, found no use from it (some people find it marvelous-everyone is diff bla bla bla)

the thing i most hate about it is their fave phrase "and how does that make you feel?" well obviously it mkaes me feel sh*t and i cut durrr!!!
i find it much easier to talk to my managers and a couple of my good friends cos you have a conversation rather than you having to do all the hard work

sorry that prob didnt help xx

[loopylucy08]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I was supposed to see a psychologist but I have developed a phobia of psychology and some of the things you say really strike a cord! When I talked about the past with my old therapist, it left me so disturbed afterwards that Im scared to repeat that with any one else- hence psychology fear. For me, its so bad, every time Ive attempted to go to an appointment, Ive had a severe panic attack and ended up severely harming myself.

It can take a long time for us to understand why we self harm. After all the whole concept is paradoxical. Are there any ways that your counsellor could make it easier for you to explore or discuss? Sometimes Ive got the best results in therapy when Ive been brought to explore something in a round about way rather than going straight for the kill and saying " How does x make you feel?" Would you be able to write out some of your feelings on here and have a little practise? Or could you print off your thread and show her because it explains quite clearly some of the feelings and difficulties you are having? Just some suggestions.

Dealing with the past is never, ever going to be easy for any one. And I applaud you for what you have achieved. Sometimes emotions just get stuck and it can take a while for you to find a way to let them flow. My social worker has always recommeneded to me that if I get those feelings and I can't talk about it, I watch a film or something that will make me cry, any way of releasing those emotions in a healthy manner.

Has any one given you some help to be able to deal with the flashbacks? I think if you go on the Bristol Crisis For Women website, they have a pretty god sheet on coping with FBs.

[Scarlet Angel]

I totally get how you feel. I have seen psychologists and counsellors in the past, and am about to see another one soon (I hope) and I get to a point where I am too scared to say anything else, end up not trusting them and reading far too much into what they are saying to me!
Maybe try talking to your counsellor so they know how you feel, it may make the way approach things with you slightly different, after all everyone does respond to things in different ways. Hope you get it sorted soon hun.
xx

[moneypenny1985]

In total I have seen 8 different councellors, 3 psychiatrists and 2 CBT dudes.
And I've been afraid of talking to everyone of them. Saying things out loud is admitting the truth which is scary. I also find it really really hard to verbalise my feeling so that people can understand. After all it's difficult to describe something that has no physical form, something that's just a sensation.

It's important for you to tell your counsellor you feel uncomfortable or unable to discuss directly your reason for your self harm, maybe there is another way he/she can approach the subject so you get to the answers in a more round about comfortable way.

A lot of the time it's just important to keep trying but at the same time you don't want to push yourself so far in the wrong direction if it's too painful for you.

It took me a long time to find someone I felt comfortable with. My current CBT guy is the first person i've actually really opened up to and told the full truth to........ actually that probably not quite true :S ........more truth than I've told anyone else, lets put it that way! :) It's progress at least, gotta keep fighting

LOVE!

Laura