Triggering (SI/Suicide) - broken heart

[darkdoom]

i lost someone really close to me on saturday and have been having palpitations and like crushing syptoms in my chest. i keep crying and im struggling not to si having been 1 month free. ive cleared out all her things like trying to blank out that they were ever there but yet i keep breaking down i hate myself for feeling like this and am usually the strong one and very supportive to others, but im hurting so deep inside people dont understand and i keep blocking them out. i;d do anything to have her back with us again and keep thinking i should join her ease my pain. we had 8 short years together. i dont want to si but i need to release my pain somehow.

[Diamonds.]

Try punching a pillow darling. Im so so sorry for your loss. I lost my brothers - they were still born. So i sort of know how you feel. I mean i didn't get close to them, but i miss them.

Im always here for a chat *hugs*

xx

[pretty_in_pain]

i'm really sorry hunny. is there anyone you could speak to about this? if you need a reason to stay strong, think your friend and stay strong for her and her memory. i'm here if you want to chat.

lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[darkdoom]

i have my hubbie and hes in the same situation as me, hes mourning the loss to. whenever anyone in the family dies i am always the strong one, someone who everyone can rely on but when its your own its different. he just thinks im clumbsy when i si, most of it i can cover up and as i say ive been clean for a month and dont really want to start again but im hurting so much i know things will get better eventually as it ususaly does but i just keep thinking i could have done more for her suffering i should have done something sooner and not let her go on for so long. now i feel i should be hurting for the hurting she went through as a punishment to me

[pretty_in_pain]

don't blame yourself sweetie it's not your fault. i'm sure you meant a lot to her and she would want you to stay strong and be happy. sometimes reminiscing and talking about her can bring back happy memories. it can be really healing.

if ur always the strong one, do u think maybe it's ur family's turn to be there for you this time?

maybe u and ur husband can lean on each other for support?

if you want to let it all out on here then you can keep chatting to me :)

*hugs*
xx

[darkdoom]

parents (grandparents) are in egypt at the moment, she was convinced i was killing her keep throwing tablets down her throat
it was me making her suffer but she couldnt understand i was trying to make her better
we had 8 good but short years together and the more i think of her the more i realise how unwell she was 6 months ago all i seemed to do was prolonged her agony

[pretty_in_pain]

but you know that you did the right thing by helping her, even if she didn't see it at the time. i'm presuming by what you've said that she had an illness. if so,then try and remember her how she was before she got ill.

unfortunately, no one can control these things but please don't blame yourself.

grief is an awful thing, but things will get better. you've got to live your life for her.

this poem helped me through my grandad's death, it's really beautiful. maybe it can do something for you too.....

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little--but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me--but let me go.

For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss Me--But Let me Go!


xx

[darkdoom]

two weeks ago she was attacked and got an infection. we're not sure where but it travelled around her blood and affected her heart. she then proceeded to swell up and despite being put on heart tablets, antibiotics and water tablets she passed away. i just feel we were robbed of her life, i feel i should have done more for her.
thanks for the poem. x
think im going to go for a lye down before hubbie comes home, im not feeling to good, thanks for taking the time to help me, stay safe xx

[pretty_in_pain]

i'm here any time hun, i really am sorry for what you're goin through

take care of yourself

lots of love
xxxxxxxxx