Triggering (Suicide) - Please help...

mi92186 · 03-07-2008, 12:45 AM

I am so miserable!!! I have been so depressed lately, and I have no idea why. For some reason, it just always happens like this-I am doing ok for a while, then I start to get more anxious and depressed. Then the cutting increases (it never stops...). Then, I start to feel suicidal. Usually I end up attempting suicide. This is where I am at right now. I almost did it the other night but one of the other members talked me out of it. So instead, I cut really badly. I ended up needing 5 stitches. I could have (and probably should have) told them at the hospital how bad I was. They asked me if I was suicidal and I said no. But now I am at a loss as to what to do. I told my therapist that I am feeling this low, and she gave me a few recommended activities to take my mind off it. But those only work for a time. And now, since I moved back in with my mom and siblings, I am scared I am going to go off and one of them will find me. That's probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself right now-the fear that one of my siblings would find me. But I don't know how much longer that fear is giong to keep me safe. Things are just getting worse. I am getting more and more depressed. I am scared of myself. I just don't know what to do...

crazykat · 03-07-2008, 12:52 AM

*Massive hugs* I am so sorry that you are feeling this low at the moment. You didn't tell them you were suicidal the other day but its not to late, tell them now before it does get to that point. Remember you won't always feel this way, however suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please reach out now to them and get the support and help you deserve. Take care
Kat xxx

mi92186 · 03-07-2008, 04:16 AM

I don't know who to tell... I don't want to have to go back into the hospital... I can't do that again. I have been there too many times. And I definietely can't go back now that I am living with my family again... My brothers don't exactly know what's going on with me. They are too young to understand. And they get confused when I go to the hospital. I hate doing that to them. I'm such a loser... I deserve to die!!!

cryingcrimson · 03-07-2008, 06:14 AM

Oh, hun you AREN'T a loser, and you and I both know that. You don't deserve to die, God made you with bigger plans in mind for you to accomplish, than committing suicide. Obviously, you are at a bad place right now, maybe it would help to go back to the hospital ((i know that isn't what you wanted to hear)) but wouldn't you rather your brothers have a older sister there for them, to be able to tell them you beat the depression, than just a memory of you when they grow up? I know you don't want to upset them by going to the hospital, but, when they get older they will understand, and respect you for it.
**HUGGS**
BTW: LOVE your signature..i LOVE that song lol
stay strong, if you need someone to talk to im here.