Triggering (SI) - does anyone have skin that makes scars fade to almost nothing?
no matter the severity of the wound? just wondering how people feel on it, or scars not fading too.
Depending on whereabouts on my body the scarring is ie: on my legs even the smallest cut looks terrible and starkly obvious and doesnt ever blend in over time yet on my arms the larger and deeper cuts have faded to a silvery wisp which you wouldnt see unless you were very, very close but i am corpse pale maybe thats something to do with it?
my sisters friend has an more tanned complexion and all her scars are very evident all over her body, no matter the depth and whatnot.
i should probably be grateful that at least on my arms they almost magically melt away but somehow it makes me vaguely angry. that the pain physically and emotionally etched there is conceled and lessened to the eye.
i feel i should explain that i am not the type who ever draws attention to scars , im private about them, maybe the thought of people disbelieving they were there at all is what concerns me.
i have had psychiatrists frowning over my arms and exclaiming 'oh but theres almost nothing there now!?' they imagine that my self injury is never very severe based only on that.
it just strikes me as odd. or maybe im odd.
Its probably terrible that i almost resent my skin for being a 'good healer' in places but i do. im struggling not to hurt myself at the moment. i havent for about 3 weeks and i dont want to undo it all.
sorry that this is a ramble. i just feel alone in my skin.
My skin sounds quite similar to yours except even though my cuts heal fast and fade quickly.. when i'm cold they turn the most obvious shade of purple (even realllly old scars)
But usually they're white, (which is invisible on my skin :P)
I kno you might feel like people think your SH is nothing because they can't see your scars but try not to think like that. I think you're very lucky, I'd love my scars to do that.
I did some minor cuts on my legs a few weeks ago and the scars are still red and I really wish they weren't. My worse scars tend to stay red for about 9months before they start to fade and I really wish they weren't like that because I hate them being so noticeable.
In answer to your question, it is very unlikely that they will go to the exact same colour as normal skin, I for one, wish they did!
I have not got pale skin and mine show up quite a bit I also have a lot of scars that are tight and dip in so that the unscared little bits bulge out. At the moment I don't care about them I only see spaces that need cutting.
3 weeks is excellent a real achievement!!!!
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
you can hardly see the scars on my left arm anymore because my skin is so white, only if you look closely. so yeah, I guess they blend in with my skintone pretty well.
I think that's actually a good thing though, because if we're ever completely SI-free, it'll be easier to completely get over it, if you know what I mean..without having horrendous scars remind you of whatever.
it's not you who's odd. it's the psychiatrists. the severity of the injuries or the size of the scars has nothing to do with how you actually feel, the fact that you felt the need to hurt yourself is bad enough, in my opinion. they're professionals, they should know that.
take care.
Can I just say that in the future when you are completely recovered from SI you will be extremely grateful that your scars on your arms healed well. I scarred really badly and although it has been over 18 months since I had an episode (although there have been a few occasions of self harm since then) I have many many scars, both keloids and hypertrophic. Some are white, some that are nearly 2 years old are still purple or red and this causes me great difficulty and bother everyday of my life. My 4 year old sister often asks me how I got them, strangers look at my arms and not my face. I swelter at work, I hide from my extended family. I have to constantly worry about who I trust enough to wear short sleeves in front of that they won't judge me. Every simple task that I do I am reminded of the times I felt the very worst I can imagine ever feeling. What is more some are still painful, they rub against my clothes or catch on things. The money I have spent on oils, creams, silicone pads to fade them has just been wasted because it has done nothing. I have to think about the possibility of having surgery on a few scars that are painful. Plus perhaps having laser surgery to further reduce others. I haven't had a boyfriend in a year let alone been intimate with anyone because of the scars. When I am 25 I will have these scars, 35, 45, 55 even on my deathbed. I will not be the same person then as I was when I was 15 or 16 or 17. Yet the mistakes I made decades before will continue to be there.
I don't mean to sound patronising and I want my words to be of some comfort to you. Because when you have reached the same stage in your journey of self injury as I have you will have the memories of this time in your life and the knowledge that you overcame it and hopefully you will go on to live a normal everyday life. Of course you will have some scars despite being a good healer but hopefully they will be light enough to just be a comfort to you and not to hold you back. You do not want the physical evidence of your pain and emotions forever etched into your body so badly that it will hinder you.
After the journey to recover from self injury I now have another journey and what is more a fight on my hands to accept myself the way I am now, with battle scars and all and to challenge society to accept me and not judge me.
So congratulations to you for being free from self harm for so long. You're making the first steps of your journey. Don't be disheartened if there are slip ups. Its just part of the recovery process for many people. And hold on and continue to be brave.
Jess
x x x
What doesn't kill you can only **** you up for a really really long time...
I'm like you. My scars have healed and faded to almost nothing. And it kind of upsets me. I seem to have a fascination with scars which may be because of the fact that I rarely ever scar.
I've made it four months now, and you can barely see any of the scars.. Which, in a way, almost makes me want to cut again. Because I want to see the scars on my arm.
Sick, right? I hate it.. But... =\
I miss the lips that made me fly
But I guess I can live without you but without you ill be miserable at best
Youre all that I hope to find in every single way and everything I could give Is everything you couldn't take
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Last cut, may trigger
*hugs*
i'm right there with you...its almost like i want them to be visible so that few ppl that know i do it will know that i really do have a problem if they see them (which they don't...but still.) i feel like they'll think i'm exaggerating everything about my SI. and i also know what you mean about watching them go away. it makes me angry too. but then over the course of several weeks it fades so much that its not hardly obvious at all. (i'm pretty dang white too lol) i know how you feel.
congrats on the 3 weeks! that's awesome =)
My skin sounds quite similar to yours except even though my cuts heal fast and fade quickly.. when i'm cold they turn the most obvious shade of purple (even realllly old scars)
But usually they're white, (which is invisible on my skin :P)
take care
x
same goes for me.
well done on 3 weeks!
you'll be grateful that they don't scar badly when you recover.
pale skin isn't all bad eh.
<3
If we fall,
we don't need self recrimination or blame or anger -
i understand how when your scars fade people doubt how badly your SH was. i do that to myself, personally. the faded white scars make me think, "oh, maybe this means it wasn't bad after all" but then i remember how they got there, and take into account that they are over a year old.
the scars fade at different rates and into different colours depending on the whereabouts on my body, but like a couple of people have said, they are more noticeable when i'm cold - they go kinda purpley.
you'll be grateful that your skin is good for healing when you've recovered - which you WILL do, because we're all here for you.
