Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - friend

[ladybug]

i just found out one of my mates was raped at a party but the guy who did it is saying it didnt happen because they were both drunk. but she says it definately happened because before it she was a virgen.

firstly i dont know who to believe because neither can acturly rememeber what happened.

and secondly its brought back loads of memories of what happened to be amd i just feel really guilty because im thinking of myself when someone needs me.

i just dont know what to do or say. i want to help but i know if i do it will bring back flashbacks for me.

what do i do??????

[Jayda]

Hard situation to be in. Probably the best thing you could do is to just be there for them, as much as you're comfortable with. You don't have to believe that it did actually happen, but you don't have to deny it either. If you're ok with being there if they need to talk, that's probably the best thing you can do for them. But if you're uncomfortable, with the flashbacks and whatnot, tell them that you aren't. You could also direct them to a helpline or counselor that could help them.

Also, don't feel guilty about the flashbacks you're having, you have no control over them. Just try to remember that they are just flashbacks, and they're not real. You may also want to get some counseling or support as well, as flashbacks are sometimes a sign of unresolved issues.

*squishes* Please take care of yourself. Do only what you feel comfortable doing, and no more. I'm here if you need to talk.

[ladybug]

thanks for the reply.

i did go to a councellor at college i just didnt like talking about how i felt about things, i found it really uncomfortable and just stopped going.

i feel bad because i know if she talks to me about it in my head i'll be thinking well did it acturly happen.

i just wish i could hide in a hole and stay there forevere.

[Delphina]

Stay neutral, let your friend know you'll be supportive of her but seeing as they were both drunk, they're probably unsure of what happened so don't take sides. Just knowing that you're there for her to talk to will probably help you're friend.

Since you're worried about flashbacks I would advise you to be there for your friend and listen to her but don't get too deeply involved. Instead give her a helpline to call or a number for a counsellor.

Hope you find a way to help her without hurting yourself
Lots of love

~Emmie xxx