Triggering (SI) - at home

[flying rain]

I don't know if I can do this. This whole living among my parents for the summer thing is going to kill me.

I hate the chaos. I hate the restlessness, I hate the constant, unrelenting pressure. Get up early, go out and get a part time job, get to school on time, schedule this appointment. And just looking at my dad, hearing his voice triggers me and makes me want to run and hide somewhere or worse, self harm. I just want to sleep now. Turn off my phone. Lock the door behind me. Get away from the chaotic hell that is and always has been my home.

It's so hard to love my life, and love myself when I'm surrounded by people who will always want something of me that I never want to give, and never can give. I feel like I am always letting them down. I feel like they don't want me anymore. They're happy with just my younger brother, the dog, and the cat. What can I do? I know I never really fit in in my family...but now I feel like they don't even bother to cover it up.

Sorry I am rambling. I'm being needy and emotional again. I want to snap out of it. I want to step outside myself again and be all right with what I see on the inside. Sometime I will. Just...not right now.

[blondiebear]

I hope you can endure this through the summer. Take it one day at a time. Make a list of what your parents want.

I don't belong to my family either. When I look back at how I am separating from them, I wonder why I waited so very long.

[Merc]

notsure if it helps any...but i could have written that post, its so close its scary..the only thing to take away/is diferent is the cat.

Mine dont want me either, adnit is plain now.

I have since severed ALL ties with htem...i just couldnt take it anymore...

Sorry dont mean to hijack your thread, just hoped it might help to now you arent alone
PM if you like

Im ever so sorry you feel so badly and so letdown and hurt by those meant to love you.*hugs* (if thats ok)

romp

[Ragdoll]

I know that feeling too... can you do what you said you wanted to, as in lock the door and sleep, or read a book/magazine, just have some time out? That's what I have to do at my parents', just have a bit of time in the quiet to calm down.