Ok so my spending is way out of order. To me its an addiction, a compulsion to spend!! I CANT HELP IT!! I NEED HELP!!
So I own up to Tim yet again that its out of control......AHA.....we have a solution........HIS BLOODY IDEA.......HOW FVCKING WONDERFUL!! LOOK AFTER YOURSELF MATE WHY DONT YOU???
INSTEAD OF HAVING THE JOINT ACCOUNT I OPEN ONE OF MY OWN AND MOVE MY MONEY INTO IT SO IF THE BAILIFFS COME IN DUE TO ANY DEBTS I MAY INCUR IT WILL ALL FALL ONTO ME!! THAT IS FINE I GUESS......ITS MY ILLNESS AND MY DEBTS, SO IF IT CAME TO IT THEY CAN TAKE MY BLOODY STUFF!!
THINGS IS DOES THAT MEAN I LOSE MY SHARE MONEY AND BENEFIT MONEY TOTALLING £3500 AS THE JOINT OVERDRAFT IN THE JOINT ACCOUNT IS OURS NOT JUST MINE!!
THERES NOTHING LIKE A GOOD MARRIAGE WORKING TOGETHER IS THERE!!!!
ONCE AND FOR ALL TIMES..........IVE HAD ENOUGH!!
YES IM ANGRY AND I RIGHT NOW I FEEL MORE ALONE IN ALL OF THIS THAN EVER BEFORE!!
I Am That Selfish Bitch I Call Myself
I Am To Blame For It All
It Is What I Deserve
This Is This Last Straw
Maybe
Maybe
Maybe.........
Maybe This Will Be It Now!!
I Am So Fvcking Wound Up And Angry I Just Know Whats Going To Happen.........this Is Really The Worst I Have Ever Felt And For That Reason I Am Scared Of My Anger........but Then Maybe This Will Be It Now..........once And For All
DO I SEE HIS SIDE OF THIS?
I GUESS SO.....I MAYBE SOME THINGS BUT IM NOT IGNORANT!!
I JUST GUESS THAT AFTER MANY YEARS OF MARRIAGE LOVE DIES DOESNT IT WHEN REALLY PUT TO THE TEST!!
i AM SUCH A **** PLACE NOW
AND IM SORRY FOR THE FOUL LANGUAGE........IM JUST REALLY REALLY ANGRY AND ITS TURNING INWARDS ON ME...
..................OH WHAT FUN SHE SHALL HAVE LATER
Okay, so firstly you ARE loved. Now, with your spending? If you have any credit cards, get rid of them right now. No more cards. Ever. Any bills that can be directly debited, do that. You can't spend money you don't have if you don't have those options (credit card, money for bills) and look around your area for a support place. I'm not sure what they're called but I know they're out there.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Thank you.
I have no credit cards, just my switch/bank card.
I got rid of store cards and credit cards a while back.
My downfall is the online shopping as I hate town at the mo being as I am.
I guess I know I need to close one online account
....Its not even that really, it was the way I was spoken to. Its like im on my own with this and I guess it is my own doing but he ........I cant explain what Im im trying to say......
I am sure he stillloves you very much or he would just be gone by now.
He is probably at a loss as to what to do from here and is resorting to tough love.
Sometimes it is the only way to approach things.
I am sure this will be better in the long run than losing your house.
I know it was the only way that helped me with the overspending.
Just have your own account for the online ordering, that way when you run out for the month the order will be declined.
Figure out a different way for the household things like food and anything else that you need for that.
honey you are loved,
im sorry i dont have much useful to say right now, but your in my thoughts
im here if you ever want to talk
love you xxxx
I scream for the sunlight, or a car to take me anywhere, just get me past this Dead and Eternal snow.
And if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere, just take me there, and lie to me and tell me it’s gonna be Alright.
- Conor Oberst
Just wondering..are you angry with the way he handled it..or with the loss of control? That YOU must now be solely accountable for it?
In his place what would you have done differently? Maybe you can find a middle ground on this...
I know i hate when the control is taken form me..it makes me feel like a child and mad as all hell...what i've come to learn is it is the only way right now and i would feel even worse if it continued and i jepordized our house/vehicles.
Yeah it sucks...but if you cant control it on your own..then what else is to be done?
I don't know if this will be of any help but my boyfriend made it so that the only way he could get money was to go TO THE BANK...and its worked a little bit so far.
I do have to deal with this.
I am angry with how he dealt with the situation, but I am at fault.
It is my debt. But the overdraft is ours...Im not going to lose my money to cover that unless he helps too!!
I'm going away for a couple of days to spend some time with friends, on my return I am going to spend a couple of days with my sister.
Things at home are very fraught. My hubby is really struggling. He is seeing a counsellor now too. The two of us are clashing over anything and everything and its doing neither of us any good.
I am physically tired
I am mentally drained
I really cant see a way out of this hell im living in. Its not just the money situation, it is everything at home.....the slightest thing triggers me now, I have a very short fuse, I snap.feel guilty afterwards...blame me for it all and when all is quiet take it out on me because if I wasnt like this then the situation at home would be different. It would be a better place without me.
can you go into your bank and open an accout for yourself, and whatever you budget for that you can spend, get Tim to move into your accout. Then make the bank put a limit on your money, ie no overdraft and no way to go into overdraft. solo and electron cards i think....mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
One of the most useful things I ever learnt from my wife/separated partner/sort of ex-wife was the massive difference in how men and women think (men are from mars, women from venus).
Men are practical, women are emotional.
You (probably) want to be listened to, to talk, to be supported.
He wants to solve things. He wants to make things better, NOW. He wants to do things.
From my point of view, as a martian man, I can see why he's done this. It is a sensible solution and may help to solve the "problem".
What it doesn't do is to address your need for emotional support. I think your probably wrong in how you're viewing this, as I don't think (from my point of view as a man) that there's any intention on his part to upset you, to stop loving you. He just wants to solve the problem.
However, you still NEED and DESERVE love, hugs, support and complete unfettered worship. What he doesn't realise is that you need love and support as much (if not more) than you need solutions.
It's just his way of dealing with things. That's all.
He needs to realise what you want and need, but you also need to realise how he thinks and what his coping/problem solving mechanisms are.
It does help thank you.
I think it hurt me the way it was said
I need understanding and gentleness not straight talking at the moment. Something I dont think he realises.
My very last delivery came today.....12 pairs of shoes!
Most will be returned and then I am going to close the account.
Im going to spend some days away as i am snapping at anything and everything......i need to chill!!
It is a male way of dealing with things, and although it hurts you that's not his intention. It doesn't make the hurt any less, but do please realise that he's not doing this to hurt you, he's doing this to love you in his own way. Just maybe not the way you want to be loved right now...
I'm glad you're going to close the account honey! You should close them all! I def think a break is the way to go! And if you're both struggling then individual counselling is good. Maybe some partners counselling to? And see a financial planner/adviser to work out how to sort out all the debts. *hugs* ihope you actually chill out on your breaki!!!!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Well i think he did the right thing. I also think that when it comes to this that the tough approach is necessary! Serious financial problems are not solved with kindness and understanding. They are solved with strict action.
I believe he is doing this for your own good and the good of all your family.
I dont know the legalities of debt but perhaps if it is in a sole account and something were to happen at least your house would be safe?
Rowie im sure he loves you.
You will look back at this in time and see that it was the right thing to do!
Be safe
Love
Matthew xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
i hope that things are better between you now
just as a sidenote i totally understand the compulsive shopping
it's awful, isnt it, how good it feels to buy something new and hold it and try it on or look at it - and then a few hours later boom good feelings gone and you are already thinking about the next one you "need" in order to get that feeling back
i hate that
hopefully the time apart will let both your emotions chill down and then you two can look at it objectively together with fresh eyes
xxxooo
Hi Rowie. Ditto for everything already said. I was wondering whether this was a deliberate course of action to force you to take responsibility for your actions. Like when you were discharged from hospital, anything you did with medications or self harm was your now responsibility. Now you are being forced to take responsibility for your harmful spending habits. Your family have put up with a lot of **** and they are still standing by you, so while they are probably very frustrated, I have no doubt that they love you. Please take care of you.
