I can't say my name because i am here to help my sister. She is going through a tough time. So basically i am here to find out some information about self harm and why people do it.
Also to make some new friends. Thats about it really.
Hello and welcome.
Im assuming that as you have made yourself known that you are fully supportive of your sis and that she knows you are here?
Assuming im correct then i hope you find the answers you are looking for.
If you are not a Sh'er yourself then i doubt you will ever fully understand.
But a little understanding and the will to learn goes a long way.
Matthew
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Hiya :) and Welcome.
I think thats really nice that you are trying to help your sister. She is lucky to have brother as caring as you.
Let us know if you have any questions about anything or just want to talk. We're fairly friendly once you get to know us.
I know you are probaly trying to do the best by her. However to many people this site is a sanctuary and a very private place. For many its the ONLY place in the world they have to be 100% understood and accepted.
I would strongly advise letting her know you are here.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Welcome to RYL. It is lovely you are trying to understand, but half of us don't understand either so prepare to be confused :p
What your sister is going through is very specific to her situation. Self Harm is but the product of a cause. The cause is the root of the problem. I recommened talking to her, and trying to understand the cause of her SH rather then concentrating on the SH itself.
Anyway, we are happy to have you here. It is simply wonderful that you want to help.
Welcome to RYL, I hope that you can find stuff to help your sister, that's so sweet and so nice you want to help her and we're all here to answer any questions or give advice or anything that you want. See you around, Katie xxx
I hope that we manage to help you help your sister :D
I think it's great that you're trying to find out information about self harm and stuff. However, I do agree with the fact that IF your sister is a member on here, it would be a good thing to let her know. After all, if this is the only place that she can talk about certain things without worrying that people are going to find out about it, and then you find out about something, she's going to be less willing to post for support and advice further down the line.
Feel free to drop me a PM if you want to chat about anything :)
Self harm varies from person to person... each person has their own reason for it... some are the same but some differ. Have you sat down and talked to her about it? Told her that you don't understand but you want to try?
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
i think it is truly amazing that you are trying to help your sis. so many of us dont have family support.
this is a private place for us to come and share. i hope it can help you to at least accept that she has this problem even if you cant have an understanding.
im wondering if she is a member also?
and does she know that you know that she self harms?
i know for me....my privacy and annonimity means alot to me. i have been "exposed" here by family and others. it can be brutal.
so i would definitely let her know that you are here specifically to try and learn about self harm so as to not lose her trust etc.
again....i admire you for being an amazing brother.
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
It woud be very hard to tell my sister i am here. She will flip her lid.
At the moment, she is going through hell. I think it would be difficut to tell her. But i understand what you are saying about her privacy. But i have promised myself i would not read her posts.
I am however in contact with a member here who is updating me. Because she talks to my sister. I know that it can come across as sneaky or wrong. But really it is for her own safety.
TBH I think you are on very shaky ground... it doesnt really matter whether we feel its a good and bad thing for you to be on here... the thing is the truth always comes out and no matter how hard you swear that you didnt read her posts (whether you do/dont) she will assume the worst and in effect you run the risk of isolating her from what may be the only place she feels understood... which is way more dangerous...
she will distrust you and resent you for encroaching on something that is probably very private for her.
I would stronly advise that you abck away from RYL's forums and just read the literature on the main site. once you feel you have armed yourself with some info then try to take her out somehwere nice for the day, have fun and then just gently broach the subject with her. She may not feel ready to talk to you about it but the best thing you can do is to give her a positive space in a secure environment and the oppurtunity to talk to you when she is ready.
for a lot of us this is something that needs to be viewed as an addiction, a coping mechanism and a way to deal with very powerful and frequently dangerous emotions... in effect we are trying very hard not to be suicidal... and in a strange way SI is our safety net.
Does she trust you at the moment? it's nto that hard to figure out if someone is watching over you... if you don't tell her, it's likely she'll never trust you again. you need to talk to her and tell her that you're trying to understand. it's not fair on her to be spied on even if you think you're doing it for the right reasons.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I understand your reasons for doing it, but I think it could back fire quite badly on you. SI is a really personally thing for most people and the hardest people to discuss it with are often those we are closest too, especially if they have no experience with mental illness or self harm themselves. Your sister uses this site for comfort and support and even if you aren't reading her posts (and I'm not suggesting you are), she will presume you have when she finds out and then will lose not only her sanctuary on here but also any trust or hope she has in you to help her. It may not seem like it right now but there is always the option that she may come to you when she is in really serious need or in the future. I think if she finds you on here and you haven't told her you will destroy that chance. The best way you can help her is to be open and honest with her and try to trust each other. Yes she might flip (and to be honest I would too if I found any of my family on here), but when she is a bit better she will thank you for your honesty.
Could you ask her where you could get some information on self harm from? I like Alives idea of taking her for a coffee or something and talking to her about how you could help and where you could find more stuff from. Even if she flips sometimes knowing in those low moments that someone cared enough to ask and not push in or ignore it gives a glimmer of hope to help us through.
