Ok im really struggling to fight my urges and i keep finding myself picking up my tools and cutting myself, i've had mor contact from my mum which seems to hold alot of the root pains in causing me to be so depressed but it dosent help with these voices in my head encouraging me to do that little bit more that i am a complete failre and my mum is the one that proves it ive let her down my whole life there fore i am due to let everyone down and i am begining to see there right.
i have a shrink who is good bu i cant cope with what he's making me remember its upsetting me and making me sink down when i hoped it would pull me out. He's reffering me to the community mental health team he says hey will be in touch then come to my house but i dont know anything about what they do.
im just scared and feel alone i know im not i have a girlfriend i love alot and she loves me but it dosent stop m feeling this way
I am glad you have posted this and are reaching out for support as i know this is hard for you.I hope you get help from people in vets.
Is it possible for you to put your tools somewhere that you will not easily find or are at easy reach for you to get at when you are feeling downa nd want to hurt yourself?i always found that when i had my tools near by that i would take the easy option as such to just cut so i wouldnt have to fight through the feelings/ urges.
Are you able to speak to your mum about how you are feeling or even give her a letter? sorry i am unsure of what your relationship with your mum is like, if she lives near by etc.do you feel that you feel worse after you have had contact from her?
You are not a failure, and you do not let everyone down.You are young duff,a lot can change in a year. perhaps set yourself some goals of what you want to achive in the next year or so.
Talking about things that are upsetting is a common thing when you are getting professional help, i feel that if you bring upo bad memories that you will be able to get to the root of the cause and then start to work on them and be happy. How long have you been seeing them for?
Having a partner i know doesnt take away the pain,i am having the same issue myself that i should be happy having someone there but i am still as depressed as i was.Perhaps speaking to your girlfriend about how you are feeling will be good for your relationship.what about doing something fun together, go to the cinema, a nice meal out... something like that can be somethingt o look forward to and be enjoyable.
I am sorry i am not much help duff. I am often in chat as you know and if you need support i am happy to help you out.
The community team can be useful to have. They provide you with a number and if you need to speak to anyone any time of the day you can phone them. They also keep an eye on you and visit you frequently to make sure you are coping and such.
The memories can be hard to deal with, but as you do start to deal with them, you will learn to accept them and move on. You will see that your mum wasnt right, that in fact you have control over things and wont let everyone down.
Stick with therapy and in the meantime try to stay distracted, dont listen to the voices keep putting it off and try to limit the damage you do.
my relastionshp with my mother has been a rough one my whole life and thats what has been dragged up with my proffesional help ive been seeing my shrink for a month but in that seen him twice as he is more to do with meds but is willing to help me until i get to the end of the waiting list but i now have to wait till august till i see him again and he hoes i will be at the top of the waiting list by then. My mum will always find a way to drag me don when ever i have spooken to her, i will write her a letter when i have addressed the issues with me and when i know what all of them are. if that makes sense?
i have hidden my tools i will give i ago and hope it helps thanks for the idea.
talking to lizzie i dont find that easy as i find the whole opening up hard and i dont want to burden her with it as she has her own problems i know she wouldnt mind but still its hard, we do go out its a cheap date at the cinema as i get free tickets because i work there just wish we would go more dunno what stops us
Also duff have you thought about painting your emotions? cheap paints and large sheets of paper is all you need and it can be such a hug release.It was something i was doing in uni in relation to painting the music and was a huge help for me when i stopped self harming.
yes that does make sense duff. you need to try and sort the relationship out and even just make it more pleasant when you do speak to each other and hopefully when you ahve started working on your issues and tell her stuff that it may not be so tough for you.I hope it works out for you.
I forgot you worked at the cinema, is there any activity things near you like paintballing, quad biking etc? i am unsure if she is the type of person tpo do things like that. It will cost a bit of money but perhaps treat yourself when you get through a difficult moment without cutting.
do you have to be artistic i would have no idea where to start with paints and stuff i write songs but they are all depressing i guess how my mood is when i write them.
i would love to see lizzie in paintball gear it would certainly make me smile and i think she would have to much fun shooting me (even if shes on my side :p)
kim do they come to your house or can you arrange to meet them somewhere else as i dont want lizzies parents to know and i think it may push them to make me move out
you dont need to be artistic at all.. it isnt painting things... its just playing with paints, certain colours, textures.Mine are just messy paintings but they were liked at uni for showing emotions.i never used brushes, old credit cards, toothbrushes, anything random.
treat yourself to paintballing then, have a fun day out together and perhaps itw ill be a boost that you need to keep on fighting
