HTT - breakdown of communication

[Steel Maiden]

You all know what my problems are and that the HTT are seeing me. To cut a long story short, when the HTT see me, I feel better for the evening afterwards, but they don't approach the real, deeper problems. In the long term, I am still having a lot of bad stuff going on in my head and I've been SI-ing. Meds are doing nothing much except make me sleep and unable to react to the voices/Woman. I am getting more and more unsafe by the day and the HTT will be discharing me at the end of this week to go back to my CMHT who will see me once a month. I've got 102 days of holiday coming up so no support from school. This inevitably means mental breakdown and end up in A&E again.

Ok, that wasn't short. Sorry.

How can I drill it into the HTT's thick skull that I am in a downwards spiral?

NB: I have Asperger's syndrome so verbal communication is difficult for me and I don't often get the correct message across when talking.

[Heidi Tiger]

Unfortunately crisis teams/HTT don't operate on the long term, deep problems, they are designed to be a short term measure for when things get seriously bad.
However they should not be discharging you and leaving you with so little support especially when you have a huge change in circumstances coming up. Perhaps a written letter would be best or could you perhaps get a friend/relative to help get your point across? I've taken my boyfriend to meet the crisis team before and it was really beneficial to have someone there to help me communicate.
If they are still determined to discharge you I dont really know what to suggest, however your CMHT should reassess your support needs as opposed to just returning to a preious arrangement

[Steel Maiden]

Thanks for the replies.
I don't have anyone who can represent me, but I will write a letter to the HTT tonight, explaining to them how I feel.
MIND is a good idea CRL, I will look into that.
Although this all has to be done in secret from my Mother, because she overreacts to everything and then gives me emotional abuse.
I will raise my concerns about my future treatment arrangements, because once a month is frankly not helpful.
Thanks xx

[Diamonds.]

Olyy. You seem to talk to me okish. I wish you'd open up to me more. I'd love to help you.

You have to talk somehow, your obviously not talking.

I love you. You mean so so much to me.

xx

[Steel Maiden]

I'm so sorry for not opening up properly. I just didn't want to make you upset. I promise I'll open up properly from now on. I've been brought up not to talk too much about my problems with other people. Sorry. =(
The voices are still bad, which is making revision hard.
The Woman is still around and I wanted to OD so badly today that I actually had physical symptoms of a procyclidine OD without actually taking any pills. I wish I hadn't given the HTT my procyclidine. I wish I still had it. I would OD on it right now. All I have in the medicine cupboard is painkillers and my meds. I don't want to OD on my meds because I've seen someone else do it and the effects are ghastly.
I am having my last exam on the 19th and that will be the last day I ever properly go to school. My school have supported me through the whole 7 years I was there. They got personally involved in my life and did everything they could to help me. The school nurse (who is an angel) even personally took me to A&E in her car when I took an overdose. NOW I HAVE TO LEAVE SCHOOL FOR EVER.
The CMHT will see me once a freaking month so basically I'm left to my own devices starting from next week.
I feel so unsafe, if I had my procyclidine with me, the bottle would be empty by now.
Perhaps OD-ing on painkillers is a good idea...even if it means that I'll be in agony for two days...I probably deserve it.

[Pomegranate]

I don't think you deserve it. I have never spoken to you on here but I read a lot of your posts and it is obvious just from them that you are a lovely and caring individual. That sort of person does not deserve to hurt. Please try and open up to the HTT. I know it is difficult but even if you just write them a letter or something that is a step forward. Please keep fighting the urges, you are worth so much more.

[Steel Maiden]

Pomegranate, thank you so much.
I am fighting the urges. The main thing stopping me from OD-ing is that I have 3 more a-levels to do and whether I go to Cambridge or UCL or neither of them depends on my a-levels.
I am going to type a letter on my laptop tonight and print it out tomorrow to give to them.
I hope that this time they'll understand because my mind feels like its about to explode.
Best wishes to you Pomegranate and again, thank you.
xxx

[Pomegranate]

Not a problem at all hun.
Well done on fighting them. I think that is an excellent reason not to OD.
I am sure you will do well in your A Levels though and congratulations on two very good uni offers :) What do you want to study? (May have read Physics somewhere but can't remember lol)
Write exactly what you feel, don't hold anything back at all and then if nothing else you have given it your best shot.
Best wishes to you too
xxx

[Steel Maiden]

Yes, I would like to study physics.
I am going to revise now with some music to block out the bastards.
I will write everything down. Hopefully they will understand.
Thanks,
SM xxx

[Diamonds.]

Od'ing isnt a good idea. You tell me that all the time babes.

You know you can talk to me, if you'd upset me, it's because i care for you so so much oly.

i love you so much. *kisses*

[Steel Maiden]

I love you too xxxx (kiss)
I am not going to OD - no procyclidine - HTT toook it away.
I wrote the HTT a letter, I'll send a copy of it to you Rebecca, if you would like.
How are you doing? I'm just about to read your thread.
I will keep going because life seems worth it.
I just want to take a holiday from life.
xxxxx

[Sleepless123]

Hi.i just wanted to say i can certainly understand what you say about just wanting 'a holiday from life'.

i think you put that so well!!

i also think its great you have your A Levels to focus on though am sorry there is also so much other stuff sill going on in your mind like the Woman and OD-ing and stuff.

So much well done for writing the letter!That is ace and i am so glad you have done it.

Good luck with giving it to the HTT.i think you are very brave and i hope that in the end the CMHT will support you properly as you deserve.

[Steel Maiden]

THE HTT.....*breathes*....TOLD me to GIVE IT TO MY SOCIAL WORKER. Wtf.
My social worker is SH*T.
I shredded the letter. I'll type up a new one for my social worker.
In the meantime, I have been signed up involuntarily for the next Civil War by the Woman. Help.