CPA meeting.

[Daydream]

I've got a CPA meeting at 1pm tomorrow (does everyone in CAMHS have a care plan?!). Quite a few people are going to be there, ranging from my tutor to my psychologist (who is my care co-ordinater) to a teacher from the college I'm hoping to go to. I'm really nervous about meetings, I always am. I've had a few of these meetings but my anxiety about them still doesn't get less with each meeting I have. I don't know what I'm going to do about my anxiety about this meeting apart from going to sleep, and it's a little early to be sleeping :)

From what I've been told by my support worker they are going to sort out my final year with CAMHS (I have to leave when I'm 18 =[ and I've just turned 17 now) and its about me going into college for the first time in september. I'm really scared about going into adult services because I've heard so many people have had bad experiences with them. The only experience I've had with people in adult services is when I went into the adult ward for a just over a week, but they were really nice so I'm confused. I don't even know if adult services will accept me even though I've got more than depression wrong with me (Complex PTSD, moderate depression and previously severe self harm). I suppose I shouldn't be thinking about that right now, because its still another 10 months until then.

People end up looking at me when they have nothing to say, and when theres a few people looking at me at the same time I get really self conscious and end up saying out loud "Am I supposed to say something?" which I suppose is a good thing on some levels, but I'm afraid I might be coming across as rude or something when I say that.

I'm scared of this meeting and I'm scared of coming across to this person from the college as someone isn't stable enough (but I haven't cut in over a year but I've still got problems with anxiety, with my PTSD and occasionally my mood dips really badly for a few hours at a time) to be on the course. I've never met this person before and its only by chance that she got invited to this meeting because she called earlier to find out more details about my problems and how it would affect my progress if I went on the course (I think). I feel like I've got to make a good impression or I wont get on the course.

I'm just all muddled.

[Daydream]

Thanks Crazy Rabbit Lady (sorry I dont know your name!)

In the eyes of my team, I'm all recovered and better now from when I was ill before (I ended up in a few different psychiatric units due to my self harm). But unfortunately, its not totally the case. I still do get really bad urges, flashbacks from bullying, bad dips in my mood and I get suicidal (they don't know that!) sometimes. But really I'm a hell of a lot better than I was, so I don't know whether I'm ill or not anymore.

I'm supposed to be having someone with me when I start college for the first few weeks. But I don't know whether they will be in classes with me or not.

Everything is just so confusing. :(

[Tig]

Good luck April :)
You've probably heard a lot of my bad experiences with adult services but there are some good ones too. My new CPN is brilliant and really does her job well which I guess you find in any service, it's a mixed bag. You will be ok though, and try not to be too afraid of your CPA meeting x

[tamobhuuta]

i'm in na similar sitiuation as you, and though i don't have any advice, i know how difficult those meetings are, i really hate them, had one yesterday *shudders*. just wanted to wish you good luck for this afternoon, try not to worry about it too much.

[Daydream]

I hate meetings but everything went okay. Better than expected :) They didn't sort out my final year with camhs, I think they are going to wait until its closer to the leaving date to talk about it. They (the complex needs co-ordinator) are however trying to sort out someone for me in college, they wont be with me in class, just at breaktimes and lunchtimes (this is how I wanted it), and the best part is, they'll look like a student my age!! They said that they knew how hard it was for me still (they don't know about the suicidal thoughts yet), and that they think its great how far I've come. The lady from the college was really nice. Thanks everyone :)
[sorry for my excessive use of "they"!!]

[tamobhuuta]

so glad it went well, hope things stay positive!