Triggering (OD) - didnt think I was OD-ing? :S

[Ghostface]

So, ye, I didnt really think I was OD-ing... Been (ab)using pills in two different periods. The first was valium, but thats a long time ago, over a year.

Im trying to stop SI, and started taking these other pills insted of SI-ing. And I have taken more than recommended maximum daily dose some times, but I didnt really think it was that bad. It's not my pills, so I guess it's bad anyway.
But then I read on this medicine page that x mg could be deadly, and ive taken near x a couple times, and im kinda scared now

I mean I thought OD = taking a lot of pills?

I feel like ive developed a new problem while trying to stop SI

[blondiebear]

I'll start by saying that I personally am strict with myself about this stuff. I'm an alcoholic in recovery. But then I went back to SI when things got too tough to handle.

If something alters your mood and you are taking it for that purpose, I think you have a problem.

I speak from experience. I have to take stuff for asthma and other stuff for allergies. I double check with myself if I really need it.

PM me if you want to talk about it more. I'll be here.

[Ghostface]

Ye, I do it because of my mood. I cant stand feeling this way, and normally I would cut, but I cant now cause im going on vacation soon and cant risk having any new cuts....So I take the pills instead.
Took what was left yesterday, used the whole package now, so there's nothing left :S
But I still got sleeping pills soo...I know I shouldnt be taking them, but I have to, or else ill SI :(

[blondiebear]

I think then don't worry about this while you are on vacation. When you get back from vacation look in to what you might want to do? When do you leave and get back if I may ask?

[Ghostface]

2 weeks until im leaving...So Im afraid ill take more in this period before.

Gonna be away for a week.

[blondiebear]

Okay. I think you shouldn't worry about it while you are on vacation. It is not a good time to do it. I've gone on vacations sometimes when my meds were being changed and the docs put the changes on hold.

So give yourself permission to not worry about this until you get back.

[Alyssa!]

Hon, you made a profound statement when you said that if you don't take the pills, you'll SI. This is something really worth talking about to a psych or a friend. You've got two battling addictions, and both are detrimental to your health. I'm here to help you whenever I can, but, consider getting some more help for this. I worry that you'll do some serious accidental damage to yourself.

[Ghostface]

I have mentioned it to a friend, that I wasnt really telling the truth when I said I'd been SI free...Cause I was taking these pills. And she said; be careful, i love you...and all that. It helps knowing she cares, but it doesnt really stop me:/ She lives too far away, so I cant walk over and visit her or anything.

My psych gave me antidepressants and told me I was done coming to her some weeks ago.