Triggering (Suicide) - Have I become Psychotic without realising it?
Hey .. I dunno anything, What Im suppose to do.. Or what like,
I don't understand whats going on inside my head.. an it's freaking me out.. because it's scaring me. Im not wanting to talk to people so much anymore, People are asking me about how Im feeling .. & Im lying to them (to hide my real feelings) Ive gotten so aggressive towards people.. hitting out, pulling their chairs away from them at the computer just because of the simplest thing they say to me that I don't like.. An it's getting me so frustrated because of it.. it's getting stupid, but can't seem to help it.. feels like it's outta my control x An the important appointments, along with Community service .. Im just avoiding going too. I make promises, that i'll go round my mates house, then will drop it for no shear reason.. an just avoiding them all2gether! its leaving me feeling so low. I just wanna kill myself ... like ive got this voice in my head.. giving me tips on how to kill myself.. telling me i must do it!
I understand the feeling of being withdrawn from others, because that has happened to me. But it is important you tell someone about how you are feeling, like a psychiatrist, or someone on your team. Please, please, DO NOT kill yourself. There are brighter days ahead, please keep holding on and keep talking to us here about how you're feeling, i am indeed here to listen xx
Why do you think that's psychotic? Psychosis is generally characterised by hallucinations and delusions, social withdrawal is usually a side effect of that. You seem to be experiencing more depression than psychosis. You said the voice is in your head, that's generally a good sign as with psychosis you tend to hear it outside your head, through your ears, and don't recognise that it's not real/in your head. Etc.
I think you need to force yourself to go to your appointments, part of you is scared and wants help, and that's actually strong and brave, and you've shown that by posting here. If you're scared the only thing to do is to fight and get better, and you need to cooperate with services in order to that hun.
Because that's what people calls me.
That Im a psycho. An that I needs my Psychotic tablets.. Tablets that I haven't even been given from the doctor..
But then, Im never at my doctors.. I rarely go x . Only goes if its like an flu.. an I needs to go work.. because i can't afford to by some meds.
I know what you think I should do.. Because I think about it sometimes,
Only.. its easy saying it.. but its another thing, trying to get up & do it x
I know Im scared.. I just dunno what part of me is scared tho.
An dont actually know what it is that im scared about x
So its a good thing to wanna kill yourself then.. having these voices tell you its the right thing.. so you should do them,.. aka- harm other people, other nationalitys.. because their all the same, to jump off a bridge - telling you it's alright, because you wont die.. you surive & swim your way back to land. To do all of these random things that many people say it's bad or wrong to do?
Surely not.. I mean, Either I can't be right, or everyones making me try to feel bad.
I hates it when people think Im depressed. Because I know Im not.
Im okay, this is me.. I suppose! Grh.
I dont wanna be depressed, so Im not depressed.
I just feel that feeling the way I do, in this way.. it feels right!
That Im doing nothing wrong.
I mean, there isnt no real right or wrong in life - is there x
Doesn't mean because people call you it that you are.
To say also "you don't want to be depressed, so im not depressed" - you sound depressed, and to be honest you will have to cope with it.
Who is telling you to harm yourself/other people?
You sound like you need to go to the doctors tbh hun.
I had an attitude like you, and now i've been depressed for 7 yrs, self-harmed for 7 yrs, got an ED when i was 15. I now have an OCD that rules my life and i have no life because i cry all day.
You can't live your life with that attitude. Look at me.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
Thanks for your advice Rebecca..
But I just really can't see myself as depressed.
Im not showing signs of it, I don't think.
Na.. Im not. I could never imagen myself to be..,
I mean, if I were.. there has to be a form of diagnose link to it, right?
you can't just be depressed.. an nothing else..
I mean.. like you said ''my attitude?'' .. I need to label it to be labelled in a form of diagnose for me to understand the depression IF I WERE TO EVER HAVE IT.. an to know what cures there are, that could cure it!
I dont believe in just the word depression or depressed alone by it'self.. let alone the actually word for that matter.
I see there must be a term of logde for having your mind get you in that state..
I dunno WHERE the voice is excalty coming from..
Whether it's in my head, or just outside around me & Im able to only hear it..
All I know, is that I can here it telling me to harm others..
Not to kill them, but just to punch them in the face,
an etc..
Last edited by Harmless_Baby : 10-06-2008 at 12:58 PM.
Reason: to add more on x
I hear how frightened and sensitive you are right now. It sounds like you feel at the mercy of thoughts that want to destroy you. Loneliness can be devastating. All the more when it comes about as a result of stigma and ridicule. My heart goes out to you.
You deserve support, and you're a good person.
