Triggering (SI) - I'm not strong...

[*lily*]

im weak and pathetic. after nearly 5 months without cutting i caved. i cut. badly. i disgust myself. like i havent got enough going on right now. and i do this. doctors ask if your anorexic. nurses tell you its ok to eat, that your not fat and i just stare in disbelielf. do they not read medical records??? im not starving myself, IM ILL! then its even worse. the incredulous look on their faces when they realise that someone with cancer could be so selfish as to self harm. i have never felt so ashamed as i did in those moments. they go quiet and stitch you in silence. they have no words. what do you say? i feel so pathetic and disgusted with myself. i cant look at myself in the mirror any more. im bald, im deathly thin, i look like im already dead, i feel like im already dead and im so sick and tired of moaning about it. i wish it would come quicker now.

[Marco]

I'm sorry, that you feel so bad right now.
I can understand, that it won't be easy, to live with an illness like cancer.
But you are doing so well, you are still alive, and you are fighting that.
Don't give up now. Stay strong.

PM me if you need to talk.

[Mimsy]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this darling..
We're all here for you. We're all proud of you. Just remember youre doing absolutely fine- it was one slip, thats all. Try not to beat yourself up about it.
Stay safe, i send you lots and lots of hugs xxx

[~*forever_broken*~]

I agree with everyone else... It's a slip hon, please don't beat yourself up too much. And I cureious, you have cancer so you can't cut? Nope, sorry, doesn't make any sense. Cutting is not selfish hon. From what I have seen you are a strong, careing, UNselfish person. You encourage others here... Nope, I wouldn't say you were selfish at all.
Take care of yourself hon.
*hugs*
Alyssa

[Bitter_Angel]

You are so strong to keep fighting this. A lot of people would have given up long ago. Or else they would have sat around moaping all day long. You didnt. You put your life at risk to go out and enjoy yourself at a festivle with people close to you. Hold onto those moments. And dont beat yourself up over slip up. You are coping with a lot right now. Just try to stay safe.

[pixiedust]

I so know what you mean. I'm not saying I know exactly how you feel but that sounds very similar to how I did. You're not weak though sweetie. You've been so so strong to come this far. I admire you for being so strong during such a hard time. I struggled to be strong for the 2 weeks I was neutropenic, 5 months is bloody marvelous. You weren't being selfish at all, you were just doing something that you thought would make you feel better. Fighting cancer is such a damn hard thing to do and you've been doing so well sweetie. This is just a blip but you can beat it. I know it's hard, I know what it's like to just feel so weak both physically and mentally that you want to give up, but you've got to keep fighting. You've come so far and I truly believe you can keep going. You're ill but you can overcome this if you just keep trying. I so wish there was something I could do to help you. I've been thinking about you a lot and wish you all the best. Keep safe sweetie and keep fighting.

Lots of love and hugs,
Laura xxx

[Lora]

oh sweetie, im so sorry you feel so bad at the moment, as others have said, you really are strong to keep fighting, so many others would have given in long before, they really would, you are strong, and fighting cancer as well as everything is amazing, it really is, you are amazing. I know how hard things can be hun, but you are strong, and you can keep fighting. This is just a slip up hun, nothing more, it doesnt make you a failure. You are so strong, youve got this far, and you can keep fighting. You are so amazing hun.

Youre in my thoughts, keep fighting, love you
love lora xxx