Triggering (SI) - I don't know what to do, sorry if wrong place to post...

[lilymushaboom]

I just don't know what to do. I just got back from my friend's house, spent the afternoon with all my friends and had a brilliant time of course. But there were photos on her wall of us all together, and it makes me feel sick to look at them. It makes me feel like I taint the group in some way with my ugliness, like I am some kind of joke, the one everyone knows is the ugly one but obviously can't say it aloud, which kind of makes it worse. I've got to the stage again where things I normally love like reading magazines, makeup, clothes shopping...I just can't do them because I feel like it's all some huge charade. What's the point of me buying something nice to wear when I'll feel good at the time, then see a photo and feel insanely humiliated that I went out with a face like mine? I'm sorry this is so self indulgent but I don't know what I need to do. It's almost like I don't want to cut yet am going to do it anyway just because it seems the only way out. Only it's not a way out, it will add yet another slice of ugliness to my body that will make me look even worse. But I don't know how anybody manages to deal with this without drugs or something to mask it a bit... I'm being a wimp but right now feeling like this seems too hard and I just want to make it go away! Ahhhh sorry sorry sorry....

[shadowedseraph]

Theres no need to say sorry feeling this way must be upsetting for you try and take care of yourself

[lilymushaboom]

thanks... will try to! trying to find some kind of distraction. thankyou for replying x

[just-another-gurl]

dont be sorry sweetie we're all here for you pm me anytime if you wanna chat xxxxx

[Sweetest Downfall]

I hope you are feeling a little better, I can relate to a lot of what you have said
x

[helpmydeath]

I know the feeling. I know how hard it, feeling like the odd one out and ugly and stuff, I feel like that all the time. But your friends love you, obviously, and they think you're beautiful. I know it's hard- really, really hard- but try to learn to love yourself, trust me, it'll be worth the effort when you do!
PM me anytime if you need to talk, I'd be glad to listen and help!