Triggering (SI) - Going to cut. Feel *****. Just want to go now. I cant cope anymore.

[worthless x]

I'm sitting here absolutly crying my eyes out. Sorry if I spell everything wrong, i really couldn't give a flying fuxk!

Actually had a physically amazing day on Monday. Life seemed GREAT.FANTANSTIC I even wrote on my bebo I felt fantastic and on MySpace I set my mood as "faboulose" I felt so bloody good, dispit everything was fantastic.

Yesterday was ok, wasnt great because I was so tired so I was really crabbit and it wasnt nice

Today yeah had a good day so far, then just a wee while ago I went on my bebo which i wasnt on for for about 3days, went on and first read my emails I got a really nasty one from a boy who I have always been friends with, didnt meet him till I was 11, but we've bene friends since. Since today. I hate him now. Then I checked my comments and I had 3 really really sarcasticly mean comments. Then I was blocking people and on one of the boys' profiles who I was blocking he had been discussing me with ex-school people. then on another profile there were like 4 comments about me too.

Things REALLY get to me. No matter if its online, from people i dont know, or anythign but the fact was I know about 5 of these boys and cant understand why they want to make my life a living hell. Getting everyone to comment me saying things.

I feel so bloody hurt and I dont know.

I feel awful I keep crying because of sick cunts, and I shouldn't even be giving them the satisfaction, theu were also talking abotu my papa and gran, who are dead. Its sad and sick.

I'm just going to ****ing cut msyelf for being such a ****ing dick, because obviously I have for everyone to be leavign mean comments and emails about me and probably now half of one of my old schools hate me probably, and the peopel who have left.

I feel so bad.

I hate myself.

what ahve I done now?

seriously I'm NOT even joking I dont know one time I'v did something GOOD or NICE or a day thats actually went perfect for me?!! Monday actually never I seen 2 lassies that hate me and they were laughing at me (my friend actually told me they were so I'm not just being paranoid considering I didnt even take them on before my friend told me.)

;sigh; i physically dont know what to do anymore.

erveryones going to hate me.
I need to move.

I need go somewhere where no one knows me. a fresh start.

I just wish college was back on, only one person disliked me there but i dont even care about him

lifes *****.

im going to go and cut then go for a bath and get ready.

I want to leave.

I want to run away, ANYWHERE i DONT CARE.

I need to go for a few days. leave everyone behind, have 2/3 days with no one annoying me.

I need space.

I need to get away from everyone and everythign I hate.

I hate this life.

I'm 18 in less than 5weeks. and Now I'm feeling of ending my life before my 18th birthday.

I got help on Monday it was fantastic. Now I dont know what to do.

I feel cold, I'm really cold now.

I'm scared. whats going to happen to me?

I hate this.

fuxk this.

hate it.

its over.

[Puppet Strings]

It's hard, going from good days to bad days so quickly and without any build up or notice.

Make sure you try and keep yourself protected from people like that, and instead of taking your frustrations out on yourself perhaps rant at a good friend, scream into a pillow, etc. Self-harm won't help in the long run, nor is it a good thing to do to yourself.

Instead of concentrating on all the bad points in your life, try to pick up on some positives. They can be the smallest things, past, present or future, but it's better than focusing solely on the negatives.

Things haven't been too great, but you did have a good day recently, and who's to say that won't happen again? Your 18th could be amazing, and you have so many chances for good moments ahead of you.

Take care, x

[klo_flo]

Hello darlin,

Things sound as though they've been really emotional for you at the moment. It's great to hear that you have good days, but then that can make the bad days seem all the worse in comparison.

The teenage angst on bebo is really not very nice. You said that you were blocking them... that might help to keep you safe from anything that they do. Do you care enough about their opinion to discuss with them anything?

I read your whole post and I didn't quite know what sort of support you were looking for as some parts were a much needed rant. However I did notice " got help on Monday it was fantastic", what sort of help was this and is it something that you'd like to do again?

Take care of yourself,
Chloe x

[Snow White.]

Awh honey, I'm so sorry to hear about all that.

Even though things are really hard at the moment, you know you *did* have some great days there and you can feel those again, you won't be this upset/angry forever.

What they must have been saying was not on, and it's bullying so obviously is going to hurt you hun but you're better than them, please try and keep yourself safe because they're not worth you doing something you will regret over.

You'll be 18 soon, try and focus on that if you can and any sort of celebration you may have, even with your family, try and keep yourself occupied and if you have to for a while, avoid sites like bebo because I completely understand, that can be *really* hurtful sometimes.

You'll be alright - keep talking to us, we're here for you.
Best Wishes,
Aimee x

[worthless x]

Puppet Strings; Yeah it always happens to be litually Something good happens then bad, and its just within a matter of minutes. I cant though, I live near them all, yesterday I seen a girl who was speaking about me on ebbo but she never did anything, although she didnt say she was going to. I hate ranting to people, always talking about myself, self pitty all mememe, but I talk on here and sometimes it helps I know its not, but I was looking at my cuts today, coz I was changing my bandage, and I was just thinking what a kind of person I am because making people hate me ect. I dont only focus on the negitive things, today all i spoke about was yesterday because it was SO good for 5 hours :D!!! Yeah Tuesday might be good I'v had 3 **** birthdays that I can remember, and even my 17th I spent it in a Cell for a couple of days. So this year I'm GOING to make it amazing, for msyelf I really did feel like ending my life the other day but lastnight made me laugh, and it was good to be around happy people You too xx

Chloe; Hiya Honey. Yeah but to be honest i'm just a really emotional person!! No, bad days are just bad days they dont get worse because I have good days because my good days are never great days there just better than like my bad days, if you get me?! What do you mean? I care about everyones opion eventhough I shouldnt, I dont talk to them anymore though, I also put my bebo profile on private and changed some things. Oh on Monday I went to the errr...Job Center Plus office to get money for my disbilty/illness but had to go to the Careers Office to get a bit of paper from a women, but like I had to tell her everything that happened and stuff, and it was just brillient because she was really really really nice, The most comfertable person I have ever spoke to in my life, it was just amazing taht she wanted to sit and talk to me and wanted to know what happened ect. She was lovely and really caring and tried to help me out. I'll never see her again till I get my Key worker though. Thanks, you too Chloe, Love your name by the way xx

Aimeee :D!; Thanks. Yeah I know; I just had a good day yesterday infact, well a few okay hours anyway . I know, I really did feel like ending my life because its worse than people I dont know or people that I wont really see, but this is soemthign thats never happened to me actual people who I grew up with, sat next to them in school, people who I see everytime I'm out and even 2 were my friends. Last night was prettt good but I seen one of the people that were speaking about me on bebo, and she never did anythign but I dont know if she seem me, although I was erally really scared yesterday incase anyone seen me. Its crap. I'm terrified to go out. Well everyones out on my brithday all working or somethign but I'll probably go out to a club or something and know people there or just go myself and make friends or something not sure what my plans are yet. Inknow its sad but I need to go on bebo because I get so many comments or used to, i wont anymore nwo that its on private, but I still need to go on to reply back. and now that its on private no one can hurt me on it I will do. Thank you, Love you Aimee x