coping at work

RedTheWolf · 04-06-2008, 03:09 PM

I’m currently at work and having a really bad head day, I can’t concentrate on anything and all I wanna do is go home and SI but I can’t leave, and im managing to hide the panic so far but its getting worse and I just went to the kitchen and held one of the knives, I didn’t do anything, but I am really scared that at some point I won’t be able to stop myself and I’ll do it at work and everyone will see and im so ashamed and angry at myself and im not sure how much longer I can continue to pretend everything is okay.

Does anyone have any coping strategies for times like this, I just need something that will make me feel calm until I can finish the day and run home. I tried breathing exercises and calming visualisation but it doesn’t do anything for me at all.

Sleepless123 · 04-06-2008, 03:34 PM

Hmmm this is a tricky one and im not sure im gonna be much use so sorry!

But just some thoughts.Obviously i dont know what your job is but could you do something which could ensure you stay away from the kitchen ie get immersed in another task or helping other people or something that you must really really focus on so that you cant just drop it and run to the kitchen or think about it quite so much?

If there are people around try and stay around people and preferably with people but not with them in the kitchen if that makes sense?

Or is there anyone there you can sit and talk to even if its about just the weather and not si just so that you will be with someone else and be just a tad distracted?

Sorry none of these are good ideas really or not as good as i would like but please just try and hang on in there and also post when you can.

How you doing and how much longer you got left?

RedTheWolf · 04-06-2008, 03:47 PM

No those were good ideas, I just chatted for a bit to one of my colleagues and for a few seconds i felt okay and im a bit calmer now. almost 2 hours left to go now, then i can run away and hide. i am kinda scared that Im losing control, i used to be really good at hiding it, but recently people have been noticing that im not okay and asking me what's wrong, and its not like i can tell them is it?? just wish i could feel normal for once...

Stellata · 04-06-2008, 04:03 PM

Sit in the loos and cry. Find someone that you trust and feel safe with, and talk with them - as you've just done....
You could tell them you're feeling kind of low at the moment - you don't have to go into details, but it's better than, in my experience, keeping everything hidden and inside - when it can just get more explosive and painful.

RedTheWolf · 04-06-2008, 04:17 PM

I'm afraid if i try and talk about it then I'll cry in front of people and I don't wanna do that, I have quite a stressful job and i don't wanna make anyone feel like they have to take care of me, or tiptoe around me, thats why i don't tell anyone as i hate the way people look at you if you admit you're not feeling great, like youre fragile and childlike and they lose confidence in your abilities and my job is really important to me, makes me feel like i do something useful, apart from just hurting and breathing.

i kinda wish i could smoke, think that might help!! but im severely asthmatic and i hate being in the hospital...

ThinkingofRecovery · 04-06-2008, 08:20 PM

Don't worry about ending up crying, you'd be amazed how many people (who don't have your problems) have cried at work. I once cried (tears down face type) in front of my boss/supervisor and felt the need to apologise. He just turned round and said that I shouldn't bother as he doesn't, I'm not the first to have done so and certainly won't be the last : )

Smoking definitely does not sound like a good idea for you!

ThinkingofRecovery · 04-06-2008, 08:21 PM

Oops, just realised that work is over for you today. Hope you managed OK.

RedTheWolf · 04-06-2008, 09:43 PM

I got through the day, just watching TV with my hubby and trying to relax, but that coil of tension in my abdomen hurts, and i know i have to go back tomorrow, when all i wanna do is sleep and stare at the wall. sometimes i really wonder what the point of everything is, not in a suicidal way or anything, just the sheer crashing pointlessness of doing the same thing everyday to get money to pay bills and buy useless crap when nothing makes me happy anyway so it all seems like some kind of hideous unbreakable cycle of crap... ive always wanted to be in the profession that im in but achieving my dreams just seemed to underline the fact that Im still not even close to feeling better. whats the point of wanting something if you get it and everything is still ****?

sorry, bit of a rant, im gonna take a bath and try and just breathe and chill.

brap_brap · 04-06-2008, 10:19 PM

I know the feeling today was a bad day and at my break time i was v unhappy and my boss came out to speak to me and ask how was i and what was bothering me. I knew there was going to be tears if i told her everything. I only told her a small part of it n there was tiny tears. You wont be the first or the last i know the feeling

ThinkingofRecovery · 04-06-2008, 10:50 PM

Hey RedtheWolf

Just want to say well done for a great achievement. I know how it is to try and get through a day when you honestly don't know how you will without falling apart - it is a real achievement! I am in the profession I want to be and was doing way better than expected of someone of my level but still managed to throw it away. Honestly, it's a 2 way street. I covered for my boss when he had family problems and he is covering for me at the moment. Everybody has problems and I am currently learning that I can't be superjuman all the time, maybe you need to learn that also?

Take care hun

blondiebear · 05-06-2008, 05:42 AM

Uh, this may sound weird but do you drink coffee, tea or cola drinks? The caffeine in those actually can help your mood.

I have asthma too. I find that bubble gum helps when I am twitchy or weird. I don't know if you can do that on your job. Of course there is holding ice as a distraction and rubber band snapping.

It is so awesome that you are looking for solutions and asking for help!

RedTheWolf · 05-06-2008, 07:45 PM

Thanks everyone, you have no idea how much better i feel just knowing that there are other people that feel like me, like i knew academically there had to be other people like me, but i've never interacted before and i think its really helping! *hugs to all*

blondiebear, i drink quite a lot of tea already but i find coffee/cola makes me nauseous, my stomach is ****ed up from years of bulimia! i'll try the bubblegum trick, what's your favourite flavour??! mine's apple... :)

xxx

brap_brap · 05-06-2008, 08:40 PM

Good to hear that. My fav gum is apple sours the really sours one

l'il esky · 05-06-2008, 09:21 PM

is there anyone at work that you can chat too?? i regularly struggle at work but have a couple of people that i love to pieces and are there for me when i need them.
they have set up little gaps along the day in my clinics for me to do what i want, nap, walk etc whatever... but still have breakdowns along the way.

dont really have any ideas of how to get through it, if your gonna have a bad day ultimately there isnt much you can do about but having a good support network definately helps!!

take care sweetie xx

blondiebear · 07-06-2008, 02:34 PM

Green apple is great! I just didn't know if you could do it on the job. I've worked retail jobs where it is not appropriate. But then when I worked at the fabric store I always had a bottle of water tucked under the counter too to help with allergies and respiratory infections.

Interesting about the soda. I drink it endlessly.