Living in my imagination

WelshWitch79 · 02-06-2008, 06:28 PM

Hi. Just wondered if anyone else suffers with this? For many years now I have lived inside my own imagination. When I have done things,my head makes up that I have done things which I havent. Its really hard to explain. But I will sit and talk to a man in work and my head will make up that I have kissed him. Which I havent. Im happily married with 3 kids. its like my head will make up other things that arent real but it causes me in my head to question whether I have really done it. doubt plays a big part and its like having a false memory, when i try and recall an event i cant tell what has really happened,whether i am recalling correctly or am recalling the imagined event, i hope people can understand what i am saying.

I had that today. I have a fear of needles and being pricked with an infected needle, a obsessional fear I have had for years. I walked past a dodgy looking fella, and its like in my head he pricked me with a needle, but Im not sure,in my head I cannot recall correctly. Whe I try and remember its what my fear is, yet I did not say ouch, I walked out of the way of him, think he was drunk or something, but its the doubt in my head. Cos Im pregnant Im fearing that what if my head was wrong and I am remembering correctly and Im infected and my baby is. It sounds really silly, but I hate ot believing my own head. Is this an over active imagination or part of psychosis, I have heard voices but dont all of the time. I do have insight into that.
But I hate this and its like living in my own head/imagination - not knowing whether I have imagined something or its real.Sometimes I make things up so soon that I believe that they have happened.
Ive talked with my hubby. I was sexually abused as a child, dont know whether this has any thing to do with it?
Can anyone help??

WelshWitch79 · 02-06-2008, 06:54 PM

Sort of. It includes feelings of guilt to. Thinking I have cheated on my boyfriend. Making up I have slept with men, when my hubby is out, even though I havent. Even as stupid as if I had window cleaners round, and I would never do that. My mind would make up I have slept with them, and I start to feel guilty thinking I have cheated on my hubby when I havent. It goes round and round in my mind to the point of I cannot tell what my mind has made up and what really happened.

Just want to know if others have this too. Its horrible, I have to tell myself to stop making things up, and to stop it but my mind has other ideas - it will make events up immediantely.

Not really, but I was abused by my father, and did not tell my mum cos I was threatened by my father. I dont know,I hate being like this tho. Its horrible.

Stellata · 02-06-2008, 08:43 PM

I used to live in an imaginary fantasy world in my head, where everyone loved me and cared about me. This was a coping mechanism where abuse and hurt surrounded me, there was no other escape.
What you're experiencing sounds quite different, in that you're blurring the imaginary and real and it's causing you distress.
Where has doubt been in your life before? Do you have a sense of when this started for you?