Triggering (SI) - I can't cope with her demands

nicnic · 01-06-2008, 02:33 PM

I feel so incredibly sad and like I want to do myself some serious damage, just to let all the blooming frustration and hurt out. I have a horrible week ahead and being here at my Mother's has made it 10 times worse.

She's just so demanding of me. As soon as I arrive I'm instructed to make some tea. Whilst she's drinking it, I almost get a list of things to do. ie 'next week you'll need to mow the lawn again for me. oh and in the summer holidays you'll clear out the garage - you didn't do it properly last time. And then the loft too.' I know she has arthritis and has trouble doing things, but she doesn't seem to realise my life does not revolve around her and I have my own worries and troubles to deal with.

I don't think for one moment she even considers how I might feel, how my energy levels are bloody low at the best of times. I do a full time job, cope with my depression/anxiety etc ALL ON MY OWN. I feel I'm supporting her and getting nothing back.

To make things worse I have to join a new doctors on Tues and have no one to come with me. I get so anxious about that because all they ever do is have a go at me about my weight and I get really panicky.

I just want to bleed. I want nothing more than to feel a sense of relief. And most of all I feel so alone. I don't want to bother anyone with my problems such as my boyfriend as everyone will get fed up of me. Sorry for posting here, I shouldn't.

irkeninvader · 01-06-2008, 02:42 PM

I'm sorry you feel so alone hun. You should post here if it helps, let it all out if it will make you feel better! I'm around if you want to talk.

If you are going to join a new doctor, would it help to talk to them about how you are feeling? Then you wouldn't have to cope with everything on your own.

As for your boyfriend, if he cares about you he won't get fed up of you if just because you ask for help. If he knew how hard you are finding things I'm sure he'd want to help you!

Look after yourself and stay safe. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to

blondiebear · 02-06-2008, 03:42 AM

OOOOh! That so sounds like my mother. I call her by her first name to put some perspective on things. Julia has arthritis from the hips down. Emotionally she is about 11. The only time I hear the words please or thank you from here is when she is reminding one of us to use them.

Ask her to prioritize what she wants done, explaining that you have your own job and your own obligations and that there is no way you will be able to do it all. She will have to accept that the assistance you can give her is limited.

If she will not change her attitudes and behavior you'll have to change yours. Yea I know it is awful. You can't take care of both of you. She is an adult and it is her job to take care of herself and her chores and her surroundings.

I've finally had to walk away from my parents. I hope it doesn't get that bad for you.

PM me if you want to talk about it!

chocostashchick · 03-06-2008, 11:39 PM

^^ very good ideas and advice

you need to take care of yourself first before you can think about helping somebody else. we really aren't any good to other people, aren't able to give helping them our all, if we are a mess ourselves. even if your mother doesnt seem to believe that, it's true.

good luck with the new docs! how'd it go? good luck and update if you can
xxxooo callie