I was going to put this in general support but I thought you lovely vets may be able to help more.
I've lived on my own since I was 16, but they have more been in shared houses with 12 hour support or at least some support (be is the social or some other outside influence), I lived in the same town as my parents, I do have a fantastic relationship with them.
I've been living 250 miles away from my parents now since august last year, completely on my own without a partner since christmas. I have housemates, but they arn't really friends and one isn't around.
They arn't the kinda people I can talk to or go out for drinks with, thats ok though, this doesn't phase me.
Recently I had to go home because i felt I just couldn't look after myself here, in my house, which seems so stupid. At my parents I do everything i do here, i do my own washing/cooking/cleaning/ironing (well maybe not the ironing).
I was there for little under a week untill i felt i could come back home, I did come back, yet already I'm feeling the need to be "looked after" despite the fact I still look after myself at my parents.
I'm not quite sure what I'm asking in all fairness. But any advice, or yur experiances would be welcome.
It's not stupid at all. I lived completely alone for more than 9 years [well, I had a cat, but yeah...] And at my worst I had to go and stay with my parents, or have them come and be with me, or spend a long time on the phone with my mum. [this was before I started in therapy and on meds..]
I totally understand the feeling of needing/wanting to be looked after. It's why I eat more processed food than I should.
I think maybe you feel secure with them around, they help 'hold things together for you', perhaps? Maybe it's the comforting, unconditional contact that they give you that matters for you?
I don't have any magic solutions, but you mentioned experiences, so that's mine. Well, the short version!
I think anyone who lives on their own is brave. Ive always live with someone, be it a friend or Gf or parent.
The thought of living on my own scares the poop out of me.
I think we all want to be looked after. I dont think that ever goes away no matter how old you get.
If you need it and it can be given then take it. Give yourself a rest.
Hope it works out for you.
Matthew xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I've been living on my own for the past 3 years. Sometimes I wish I could go back to my parents but I can't, they passed away almost 2 years ago and the nights here gets very lonely. I can understand wanting to be looked after, to have that extra support. I can see you're trying very hard, don't overlook what you've done so far. You doing an awesome job and knowing what you need
Sorry, I don't know if what I've said helps you but it's all I could muster at this point. Just do your best!! You have my support so feel free to PM me anytime.
It seems that you've already said what the problem is - not having anyone around that you can talk to or go out with.
Having someone you can just have a blether with, even if it's just nonsense, is a big support.
I've lived away from home for... wow 9 years now. The first couple years were in shared flats but now I stay on my own. Generally I like it, "Home" where my folks are, is 180 miles away, but having lived down here for a few years, almost all my mates are here rather than at "home". [when i'm at my folks, here is home, when I'm here, there is home. Confusing]
But when I get down, or ill, my mum's automatic response is "why don't you come home for a few days?" and I do get looked after, and it's a total change of scene, it's comfortable and familiar, although after a few days I'm usually ready to get back to my own flat.
I don't know what you're flats like but generally my studenty type flats were ok, quite fun, but not the kind of place you want to be when you feel like crap (things are broken, the cupboards are bare, no-one cleans up after themselves). One particular memory of first year -having the flu and my flatmates having a party. No fun, wandering to the bathroom in my PJs, to throw up whilst all these people are sitting around very drunk, was not particularly homely or comfortable.
I guess what I'm saying is that student flats are great in one way but they aren't really home.
I've been in my current flat for five years, when I first moved in on my own it was a relief after having some right dodgy flat mates. I'm used to my own company, if I don't want to see people, I don't. If I do, I do. But not everyone is like that.
I've just kind of rambled there, dunno if it's of any use.
I've never lived alone. I lived with my parents and sister for 23 years, now with my husband for 18.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
I moved out of my parents house ummm...in September of 2003 when I started Uni. I had 5 roommates over the span of 3 Semesters. Then I lived alone for a term. After that my best friend and I lived together for about......2 1/2 years or so. Since she moved I've lived alone for about a year.
The whole thing has been interesting, but I think what made it work out well was that each time my housing situation changed it was a step towards living alone. From my parents to living at Uni to living in a house with a roommate to living alone. Since living alone I don't really mind it. Sometimes I wish there was someone about to chat, or for company when things aren't going well, but all in all I like living alone.
But then again I'm also a fairly reclusive person, so I'm not really sure anything I've said has helped at all.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
It's just, I miss having someone around to watch tv with. Or just talk to.
I have friends I can go out with, and i do go out quite alot, I was out last night.
Artychik - I get what you mean about Home and home. When I'm here I refer to my parents house as just that, my parents house, when I'm there I refer to it as home.
I move into my new house soon, with people i like and get on with and who are friends as well.
I do feel like my room in my house and even my house are "home" though. I'm quite upset about leaving it as it's become so comfortable here.
I understand how you are feeling.I moved 600 miles away to go to uni in september 2006 and go home during holidays but i havent had much luck with flatmates.
My current flatmates do not speak to me and send me nasty letters which are pages long so can understand the whole not being able to speak to them.I am glad you are moving in with people you like and i hope that works out well for you.
The feeling to be looked after is something i miss when i am at uni, i am crap at looking after myself in uni.I am lucky that i go to my bf's quite often but when i am in my flat i am in my room alone since my flatmates hate me.
sometimes it is just nice to have family around you that care for you, even if it means just sitting infront of the tv together.
I am sorry that i havent been much help, just rambled on about how i can relate.Sorry
me lives alone too (with my hamster and 3 fish) i love the fact that noone is here to tell me whether or not i can have a nap or when to wash up etc, but i do miss company! i pretty much moved out cos i hated my mum and would never ever want to go back but would like someone to live with. when i find a bf who knows............................. xx
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
I have lived on my own since 1996 - my gods has it been that long?!
I have only gone back to my Mum and Dad's place to stay a night, usually at Christmas or when my sister and our friend have a boozy night in. Sometimes I like going back there, sometimes I find self standing back out of the way and watching them interact, wondering when I can go back to my home.
but i have 3 gorgeous puddy cats to go home too, speaking of which one is out still and it's peeing it down outside! Hang on!!
.........
20 minutes later!.
I like living on my own, it's my space, I can do what I like, when I like. And the mess in it is mine, and I need to tidy up (big time!) But I like that too - its up to me when I tidy/clean, or if.
I have my stuff here, when and where I want it, and I can do what I like.
There are times when I feel lonely, that I would like a bf to be here too, but I tend to get over that, especially when my cats jump on me (they know when I feel low).
I'm quite proud of the fact that out of the four of us kids (I'm the youngest) I'm the only one who hasn't gone back to my parents house when I'm in trouble, unlike my sister who has been living at my parents house for a year, with her 11 year old daughter, going through a divorce. My oldest brother stayed there for 18 months in between moving houses, and my 2nd oldest brother stayed there because he was 'lonely' (I don't have much emotion for him apart from hate). I've stuck with it, and I have worked through stuff.
It's not all been roses, there's the mortgage, maintenance, neighbours etc. But I do not regret it, at all.
Take care
Lozx
You don't have to be a monkey to recognize a banana!
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!! 
