Ahh deep dark depression.....welcome back

[Devia_Angelus87]

Seems like a long lost friend.....

One thats not wanted but comforting at the same time....conflicting minds.....if i didnt have a personality disorder before this

Think i do now


Ok so its hardly a new feeling after 5 years of self harm......and 3 or so months of recovery....but still.......its different this time

This time.....my safety net is gone....

Love

Ok so update....i have always been one of these people who has the faith in love....and feeling that it will solve all my problems....it didnt

There is a girl who loves me completely and utterly.....and i cant return it........i dont even Want anyone.....

Its a complete change for me....totally against my nature....

And now little things are making me worse.....like the fact i finished a book today.....small thing to some people....but it means i have to come back to this world and live in it till i find some other way to escape

Meh anyway....im gna stop bitching now....im sure nobody wants to read that

Devia x

[Stellata]

I understand the internal conflict of feeling comfort in the familiar yet also not wanting it. Also for me it can feel like in the dark I can hide, noone will hurt me there, I am cushioned by it. Whilst, at the same time I am now learning that it's unhealthy, and starting to change direction.

It can be so painful, knowing you are loved and yet feeling powerless to return love [although in part of me I feel that I am incapable of being loved, or giving love].

I can also relate to finding it hard to be 'in the world' and wanting to escape. Because I learnt, growing up, that the world was not a good place to be. Its different now, so its a huge learning curve. What is it about the world that you find difficult or frightening?

[Devia_Angelus87]

I just prefer to be somewhere else.....as you say the world isnt always a nice place and i always find my escape into books and stories....

So it always leaves me a bit depressed when i finish a good book or series.....suppose its my own fault for reading so fast