Triggering (SI) - What is your Significant Other like with your self-injury?
I've been married for a few years, and my husband hates my self-harm. If he spots that I've cut, he'll tell me how disgusting it it, how its the most horrible thing he has ever seen, how he doesn't know how I can look at myself and how gross it is.
I've been seeing another guy for a couple of months, and his reaction is totally different. I was incredibly nervous about letting him see my cuts/scars for the first time, but he was lovely about them. We talked about it a lot, and he says that although he is sad that I feel I have to cut, he loves me, and that means all of me, even my scars/cuts.
Its weird to have gone from one extreme to the other, and wondered what other peoples partners are like with thier scars/cuts?
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
I know I shouldn't be posting as I don't have a husband/bf lol, but I just wondered - does your husband understand the reasons behind your SI and so on? My mum (big difference, I know) said very hurtful things like that when she saw one of my scars - she actually gagged one time. But after talking to her as much as I can and giving her information about it, she's getting more understanding and doesn't get nasty if she does accidently see one of my scars. Maybe you could try talking to/giving your husband information about it if you wish to? Stay safe,
I know I shouldn't be posting as I don't have a husband/bf lol, but I just wondered - does your husband understand the reasons behind your SI and so on? My mum (big difference, I know) said very hurtful things like that when she saw one of my scars - she actually gagged one time. But after talking to her as much as I can and giving her information about it, she's getting more understanding and doesn't get nasty if she does accidently see one of my scars. Maybe you could try talking to/giving your husband information about it if you wish to? Stay safe,
xx
Thanks for your post Enigma :)
While I was thinking about romantic relationships, the question can be extended to all relationships. My Parents or extended family don't know about my Self-Injury, so I didn't think about them when I was posting!
My Husband has a lot of trouble understanding my problems. I think he is just burying his head in the sand, and while he can ignore my eating disorder, casual sex, alcohol abuse and other things, he can't so easily ignore self-injury. I've tried explaining, but unfortunately he just isn't in a place where he can understand.
It must have really hurt when your Mum gagged - my husband has done stuff like that, and it doesn't help! I've explained to him that that hurts me, hopefully he won't say it again!
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
Call me Chelsea if you like :) And that's horrible - sounds as if you're both having a bit of trouble right now? Have you tried marital counselling/Relate or something similar? Maybe when you both can communicate easier and get along more, getting to talking about the serious things like your ED and self injury and so on will come more naturally to you? It sounds like a bit of a breakdown in communication - so would this kind of counselling be an option? *cuddles*
He has friends who used to self harm, so it wasn't a giant "WTF!" thing for him.
He takes me out on midnight walks when I get triggered and low :)
He has hidden all my blades for me (I asked him to) and I'm 80 days free now.
my partner knew i self harmed before we became a couple and although it scares him and he worries about it, he accepts my scars as being part of me. He's never once said anything nasty about them but it does bother him if people in the street stop and stare or say things.
x
My boyfriend is amazing. He doesn't get it but he does accept that it's just something that is and something that's not in his power to change. He's actually the only person that I'll let see my scars. And he only brings it up when I want to talk about it and took my tools when I asked.
My husband is very accepting - he even cleans and dresses my wounds. I try to be as open and honest with him, and so he is wonderful with me. I think I'm very, VERY lucky.
Who Watches the Watchmen?
PM me any time, I'll answer you as soon as I can.
I have a SI awareness and a haematite and white bead bracelet from the RYL shop, and I love them!
My boyfriend knows, and he understands. He certainly doesnt like it, but he doesnt talk down on me if i do it, and he doesnt call me names or be abusive if i do. He's great about it, not nasty, but not enabling.
I honestly believe that people who SI or have ED's have enough problems without their significant other being mad about it. I usually suggest that if someones SO has a problem with it, or is nasty, that the person gets out of that relationship. However, couples counselling could be a really good idea. But some people just dont understand, and never will, as they dont want to. And no amount of counselling would help those people in that relationship.
Just try your best to keep your spirits up. Its not your fault he doesnt understand, and it doesnt make you a bad person.
~He accepts that ambiguity and compromise are a part of life, but he doesn’t necessarily like it. It’s not his way to dwell in gray areas, not to try and resolve complex situations. And yet, if he’s really honest with himself, this time he doesn’t care. He surrenders to what he wants, not what he must. ~
my boyfriend is horrible about it, he really makes me feel guilty and says all these things how he's gonna break up with me if I do it again and so on. He's not supportive at all and eventhough I haven't cut in over 4 months he hasn't once said that he's proud of me :(
"Without innocence the cross is only iron, hope is only an illusion and Ocean Soul's nothing but a name.
The child bless thee and keep thee forever..."
my boyfriend is horrible about it, he really makes me feel guilty and says all these things how he's gonna break up with me if I do it again and so on. He's not supportive at all and eventhough I haven't cut in over 4 months he hasn't once said that he's proud of me :(
Do feel free to tell me to mind my own business hun but you shouldn't listen to your boyfriend. Or in my opinion be with someone who uses your self harm as a threat against you.
Its disrespectful and seems to me like he cares very little for your well being.
4 months is amazing!
I cannot describe how good that is. You should superbly proud of yourself!
=)
& in reply to the original post, i have never had a long term relationship & therefore can't really comment. But it is one of the main factors which stops me from getting into relationships. I back away just before it starts to get heavy due to my embarrassment and how scared i am about their reactions to my scars.
To everyone with understanding partners. You are very lucky. I hope i will be that lucky one day.
Jane
x
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"
My ex, as of Monday, dumped me because of it. He was like how can you let someone love you if you don't love yourself. (The day after I told me about my self harm) So he told me I wasn't ready for a relationship and that ended that over a text. :/
Really hope one day I get someone like your supportive significant others. So glad you guys found people like that. :)
my boyfriend is horrible about it, he really makes me feel guilty and says all these things how he's gonna break up with me if I do it again and so on. He's not supportive at all and eventhough I haven't cut in over 4 months he hasn't once said that he's proud of me :(
Tell him that giving up SI for you is like telling someone never ever to shout in anger/frustration again - it's venting, at the base level of psychology. 4 months is a STAGGERING achievement - even if he can't be proud of you, everyone here is!
Who Watches the Watchmen?
PM me any time, I'll answer you as soon as I can.
I have a SI awareness and a haematite and white bead bracelet from the RYL shop, and I love them!
My boyfriend doesn't seem to understand, its hard not having anyone who understands to talk to but I guess it can be quite a hard thing to understand :(
My exgirlfriend hated it. She knew why, but was still upset when I did it. She would check my stomach (where I did it) every day and freak out when she saw something.
But my fiancee now doesn't notice if I do it. He doesn't like to look at the scars, but he likes to touch them. He says he finds them sexy. And it bothers me. I hate when people touch them, so I freak out.
But at least my ex was supportive about me getting help. My boy now seems like he could care less.
My husband told me the other day that if I ever did it again, he'd leave me. I left for three days, and he took me back, and hasn't mentioned it again.
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
My boyfriend knew about my self-harm for ages before we were together, he's completely fine with the fact that I used to because he used to self-harm as well.
However, if I ever cut these days he blames himself which hurts so much, and he always says that he really wishes I wouldn't do it.
x
If you love me, won't you let me know.
We saw you in distraction; a sleeping, slow despair.
I gave up SH for my bf and I'm proud of it. He is supportive, but gets VERY upset if I do it (I don't do it anymore though). And by upset I mean crying, not being able to sleep, eat or study. My SH was killing him and our relationship, so I stopped. And I don't regret it. Things are so much better now and my bf is proud of me.
Tetris
Shape Game
