parental opinions please?

[smoochy_lou]

hey am not sure if this is in the right area or not, am sorry if it isnt..

i am basically looking for some advice from other parents that suffer with mental illness and their opinion on this.. im sorry if i offend or trigger anyone, i really hope i dont though..

I jsut found out i am pregnant (4 weeks gone) the father has sed he will kill me if i dont abort.. my mum has sed because of my anti depressants/sedative the baby could be born with serious defects and i am putting my mental health at risk and the baby will be taken off me!

obviously this has really upset me knowing this and i guess i'm just scared and panicking. can they take baby off me because i have depression?

will my mental health decrease? am i being completely unrealistic in thinking i can continue this pregnancy?

i have no idea what to do, i feel so low but so high all at once..

many thanks in advance for any opinions and/or advice

take care xx

[Stefanie]

I'm not a parent but I do have a bit of knowledge that may help. I work in a psych unit and we have had a few pregnant women admitted. One in particular had chronic schizophrenia. Not only was she able to continue with the pregnancy, she kept taking her meds and had a lovely, healthy baby boy. She was not granted custody due to her mental state (believing the baby was a 'superchild' and needed solids from birth) but the grandmother has custody and she has lots of time with her son.

She's a pretty extreme example, but I know of plenty others, friends and people at work, who have had depression and children. I'm sure you'll get heaps of support here whatever choice you make, and you DO have a choice. xoxo

[blondiebear]

I don't know about depression and children. I should think you would want to talk to the doctor who prescribed the medication and perhaps your chemist/pharmacist. As long as you are not mistreating the child, I don't see why it would be taken away from you.

As for your boyfriend, get a restraining order against him. If he later demands visits with his child, they can be supervised.

[Ragdoll]

I'm 22 weeks pregnant. Funnily enough, once I'd got the first three months of feeling ill out of the way, I now love being pregnant and am doing better mentally than I have in years. I'm not saying it's all easy, you will have bad days, but being rpegnant can be a great motivation to take better care fo yourself.

Hopefully if you decide to continue with the pregnancy (which is YOUR decision, not your boyfriend or mum's) you should be assigned a consultant, because being on anti depressants does make oyu a high risk pregnancy. However, what my consultant said to me was that if I'm at risk of doing something stupid off meds, then it's safer for baby to stay on them. You may need to switch meds, depending what you're on, I've switched to sertraline cos it's safest for breastfeeding. It's something you would need to weigh up if you decide to keep your baby.

As for being born with terrible defects, there is no proof that being on anti depressants affects the baby, apart from a little withdrawal when they're born, but even that can be countered by you coming off meds two months before baby is born, if you feel you can. You may be offered extra scans to keep a really close eye on the baby and you, so if anything wasn't right, they oculd pick up on it right away and take action.

I don't see whythe baby should be taken off you - it is a concern I had niggling at me when I found out I was pregnant, but I#ve found hospital staff to be very supportive in helping me cope, for example I have my own midwife, but I also have a midwife I can talk to who specialises in mental health problems.

Well, that turned into a long post, but basically you can do this if you want to - if your boyfriend is threatening then you really should talk to the police - pregnancy can often be a trigger for violence to start/increase.

Keep yourself safe, and hopefully you've been reassured a little by what I've said. Keep posting

Victoria
xxx

[smoochy_lou]

thank you so much! i feel so much better and a little less scared :)

[Kangaroo]

I'm not a parent but i would reccommend going to speak to your g.p. and seeing what he/she has to say. They wouldnt take your baby off you just because you have mental health problems, social services may be involved, reguarly assessing you to make sure you can cope. And there are meds that are safe during pregnancy. Your dr is the best person to talk to. please dont rush into any decisions you might regret. You dont have to have an abortion because of the babys father. Ultimately its you who havs to live with the concequences of whatever you decide.

Once you have seen your g.p., it might help if you went again with your mum so things can be explained to her. obviously, any decision will be a lot easier with her support

[Ragdoll]

If you need anything else, feel free to pm me

[carrie79]

I'm so glad I read this post. I'm so sorry about your situation and hope you come to the right decision for you. Before I read this I had the same scared thoughts as you. The main reason I never went to the docs for help was I was so scared of being labelled and then not being able to either adopt (which tbh still worries me as the criteria is hard enough) and if I am ever lucky enough to have my own child, having it taken from too. Its so lovely to read that so many people are leading normal family lives :)

Altho I dont have experience of pregnancy, I do have experience with threatening partners. I had to get the police involved when i left my husband (whole other story!), the police were brilliant with advice etc if you feel threatened maybe ask for some advice. I was terrified to contact the police but it was the best thing i did and also made me feel a lot safer.

take care x.