My head is just... all over the place right now...
I thought at least *some* of my problems were gonna be over, sold my laptop computer for a good price, I thought I could use it to pay to go to the dr's... but, proving how big of an idiot I am, I fell for a scam... it really did seem very real, I didn't realize I had been scamed til it was too late. So now I have no money, and no computer. I'm going to go to the post office first thing in the morning to talk to them in HOPES that maybe it hasn't been mailed yet, but I doubt it.
It's father's day... I hate father's day. I can't listen to the radio, or watch tv, or even go to church, because all anyone is talking about is father's day. This is such a horrible holiday, brings too many bad memories.
I've got to try to make it thru a long shift at work today, when I can hardly walk on my foot due to how infected it is. I may have to go to the dr in the next couple days for it, but I'm worried whatever they'll need to do to treat it will be awful expensive.
I don't like my therapist any more, I don't trust her much and I don't see the point in telling her anything at all, since we only have 2 more normal sessions together, then I get switched to a new therapist. What's the point in continuing to talk to this one? Besides, she seems to not even care about me any more... she used to make me feel safe, like I could trust her, cuz she seemed to care... but she's seemed like she's been slowly distancing herself and now it feels like she doesn't care at all. Why bother going at all any more?
sorry... I'll stop... I'm just feeling really depressed and alone today. I just want these feelings to go away.
aww sounds pretty hard for you at the moment. hmm. about your foot, you might want to try treating it yourself, if you havnt already, try talking to a first aid advisor here on ryl.
Your therapist, try talking to her more, she'll tell the next one about it and they may be able to help you. If its not helping at all ... i dont know what you can do except keep on seeing therapists or something.
If you need help my pm box is always open or add me on msn (pm me for it)
kyle xx
ps. *big hugs*
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
I'm sorry to hear that. Is any possible way you can get that computer back?
I'm sorry father's day isn't the best. But, just try to think of it has a normal day, and on the bright side it's over in twenty-four hours.
What happened with you're foot? It maybe expensive, but you're health you need it. I mean debt is awful, but imagine if you couldn't be able to pay your debt if something drastic happen to you because you didn't get it treated?
Can you switch your therapist. If you can't feel umcomfrotable then that's making no justice to you. and just making you spend money.
You don't need to stop, vent all you like, that's why ryl is here for.
P.S. Is there any way you can medical coverage/insurance?
I'm trying to get the computer back, been trying to contact the post office to see if they could stop shipment on it- haven't heard anything back yet. Good news is it takes 5-8 business days for it to reach its destination, so hopefully we have time to stop it, I'd pay for it to be shipped back to me, I don't care... I miss my mac, I got a new laptop today (a gift from a very generous friend who heard what happened, he has 3 personal laptops, so gave me one of his), but it's a PC and it's not the same plus I really need it back so I can sell it to an HONEST buyer, it's got several thousand dollars worth of professional programs on there and it's a nice computer....
I go in for surgery on my foot tomorrow... there's dead tissue that they have to remove, and they're going to surgically clean it and see how that works. I'm terrified of going in to the hospital tomorrow morning. Cuz I'll be all alone... and what if something happens to me? What if they can't get rid of all the dead tissue? I've got insurance, but it's not the greatest, and it's still expensive. And, I'm going in for oral surgery to remove a cyst on Wednesday. It just hurts too much for me to try to eat, which isn't good when it's already hard to eat MENTALLY... me having a physical excuse to not eat isn't a good thing by any means, and I do want to get better...
I'll be having to switch therapists in a couple weeks anyway... I think that's what is making me uncomfortable. I really really like my current therapist. But she's got an internship on the other side of the country, so she's leaving for that soon. I really trusted her, and I know she wouldn't leave me if she didn't have to, and I know she's not really abandoning me, but it still feels that way.
I just feel like I'm having to fight to just barely survive right now... and I'm honestly not sure I can continue to do so.
EDIT: I didn't want to start a new post or anything, but I needed to just get this out cuz it's really bothering me...
So yesterday, I went to this Christian Bookstore for a group interview. Well, she called it a group interview. Really, there was a group of people there, but she was interviewing everyone one by one... more or less in the order we showed up. I was the second person there. She encouraged everyone to look around the store while we waited, as she was gonna quiz us on items during the interview. So I looked around for an hour and a half, saw her take several other people back... so approached her, thinking maybe she just hadn't been able to find me or had forgotten or something. She said she'd take me back soon... another hour goes by, I approach her again... soon she says... I was there a total of three and a half hours, left the store almost in tears, because she basically just kept ignoring me... don't fucking get my hopes up just to treat me like shit and ignore me and make me wait around half the day. :( I felt horrible, for thinking I even had a chance... who am I kidding? She probably never was even seriously considering me anyway.
Last edited by sillystring : 19-06-2007 at 02:57 AM.
Reason: add more
I think that's just the valium talking. Nothing seems bad. nothing. Everything is good. I'm sleepy. But good. If this didn't make me so sleepy, i'd want to take it every day just to get me thru some of this hard stuff... hey, do you think they have something like this, if i ask the psych? it's just made me feel relaxed.... and happy... and capable of dealing with whatever.... tho i'm still freaking about about the surgeries...
