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Old 17-06-2007, 08:00 PM   #1
.ghost.
 
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i think i'm starting to hate people a bit too much...

lately i just hate everyone. or not so much ate them as hate being around them. and i hate to admint it but sometimes i don't want to be with my friends and i have no idea why! they're always the people that are there for me and make me feel better but i find that a lot of the time i just want to scream and run away ansd hide from them. i'm started get get scared, yes scared of hugs. i used to love hugs and couldn't go a day without collecting hugs from everyone i knew but i now i'm just getting even worse with being around people

im' not sure whether it's just my social anxiety getitng worse or something else but it juts makes me feel so alone...



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Old 17-06-2007, 08:14 PM   #2
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I could have written that, word for word.

I don't know what to say, but you're definitely not alone in feeling like that.

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Old 17-06-2007, 08:16 PM   #3
.ghost.
 
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thanks, it's good to know i'm not the only person who feels like this...



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Old 17-06-2007, 08:24 PM   #4
Kaya
 
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:)

PM me anytime.

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Old 17-06-2007, 08:38 PM   #5
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Well, I'll tell you something you won't hear much. If you feel that deep down your not growing to be the person who you really are - but your friends keep "liking" you as you are anyway - you can start to hate them because in a way they are holding you back by cementing your ego into a sort of broken identity .

Keep in mind they wouldn't know they were doing that probably. A lot of friendships are just things where people expect to be liked/supported right or wrong. People give to get, and they like to be liked. Now if you were growing wrong in a self destructive way most people wouldn't even say anything. They would just keep trying to be "nice".

On the other hand some might get angry and upset with you - which might make you feel upset and rejected - and tempt you to keep being self -destructive just for spite.

The best way is when people aren't falsely supportive or genuinely angry. If a friend could say "hey ghost, no offense but your not acting in your best interest" etc etc. You never want to begrudge people like that even if it feels crappy. Lots of people wish their rents or someone would have stopped them when they were going wrong but nobody cared as long as nothing upset them lol.

Now an added twist can be that something happened to make you fee inferior (a divorce, a rent who drinks too much etc). If you compensate too much and seek approval from friends then things backfire. By "elevating" the friends up over you and seeking their approval you can start to resent them because of the power and stature you give them that also makes you feel small at the same time. You have to make yourself smaller anytime you make others bigger (and usually to get their approval).

You want to get in the habit of being honest with yourself and seeing if your living from your own conscience or conforming to implanted inferiority (that shouldn't be there) and then seeking approval from friends you start to hate (because they are helping you stifle yourself). You are who you are inside and if you get trapped away from that and grow from a false social facade you'll always have conflicts.

This stuff takes time to work out so don't expect overnight changes. The fact your already aware of the problem is a good sign. Your seeing things many wouldn't.



"Not all those who wander are lost" Tolkien

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