Do you ever feel like you can't trust what you feel or think?
Do you ever feel that you don't know what's real any more?
Do you ever feel lost and confused and don't quite know where to turn?
Do you ever feel desperately ashamed of what's going on in your head, yet find it hard to trust alternatives? [like, people aren't out to reject you or get rid of you - I have this anxiety/paranoia in pretty much every situation in my life at the moment, always have done, really...]
Maybe I am totally 'losing it'.
I'm under a lot of stress right now. Maybe that's why.
I more often feel that I can't understand or trust what is going on in my relationships with others. My past has left me emotionally retarded. I am occasionally lost and confused at times. I don't know how to react or what to expect.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
the kindness you've shown to me has touched me. that could not have happened from anywhere else other than the real you
from behind this keyboard i/we are real and read the real things you've said. they make intellectual and emotional sense. i can relate to having more than one emotional reality, conflicting with more than one intellectual reality. i shut down, slow down and cancel stuff when that happens
a really good thing i learned is that activity comes from rest, not rest follows activity. this means i can only do stuff when i'm rested enough so maybe doing absolutely nothing is the most productive thing you can do? greater clarity will come. its the waiting for it that can be so bewildering and scary
i'm thinking of you right now and right now you are not alone
I know how that feels, but I assure you, you can trust us all to tell you what is real or not. We will keep you safe.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Do you ever feel like you can't trust what you feel or think?
YES YES AND YES...ALOT
Do you ever feel that you don't know what's real any more?
Yeah sometimes i question...well everything...scary
Do you ever feel lost and confused and don't quite know where to turn?
Alllll the time
Do you ever feel desperately ashamed of what's going on in your head, yet find it hard to trust alternatives? [like, people aren't out to reject you or get rid of you - I have this anxiety/paranoia in pretty much every situation in my life at the moment, always have done, really...] oh yeah!
Your not loosing it hun...but i understand it feels it.
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
----
although i'm waddling off for a week i've been thinking about you a lot and that's not gonna go away
willing you to be as ok as you can without demanding you to be anything else
some statements which might be helpful:
- start from where you are
- let go of feeling loaded with expectations as much as you can
- tune into if you're performing for the needs of others
- what you've got is what you've got and trying to be anything or anybody other than you is energy not well spent... better to be accepting of you as you are and let go of being self judgemental
- ride the wave of a crappy day by going for comfort rather than effort, especially when stuff is weird and/or overwhelming
Stellata, is your life very busy and hectic these days? Do you perhaps need to take a week out, just doing as little as possible? Just a suggestion.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Thanks Chris and SM.
I'll reply properly tomorrow.. yes, things are busy and hectic. I work 27 hours a week, have therapy 3 times a week, GP once a fortnight. Shopping for food several times a week. Inbetween all that I'm on RYL. [I have no social life.]
Work's moving office on Monday.
I've just about got through a week's break from therapy.
I'm pre-menstrual.
My dad today said what I need is a holiday. He was sensitive enough, when he and I were alone while mum was in the shop, to ask me how I really was. I told him selected parts of the truth, and he understood. [Dad was severely paranoid and anxious and irritable when I was growing up...]
I am glad that your Dad helped, my Dad helps a lot too, but because of my Mum I'm not allowed to talk to him except in secret.
I think that you need a holiday, somewhere where you'll really love it. A warm, sunny country, or perhaps just stay in England and go for walking trips, whatever you like. Go with someone who you will really enjoy the company of.
I think you have a social life, as RYL is a community, and you're part of it. It is a common misconception that internet socialising is not socialising. Its just like talking to someone, but without seeing their face in front of you.
How is the therapy going? 3 times a week must be pretty intensive. Do you get emotional afterwards? I have a friend who undergoes therapy and she gets very emotional after it.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Therapy is going well. I do sometimes get emotional afterwards, but mostly now it's contained in the session, and I'm safe with the feelings.
I probably won't get a holiday for some time, as all my leave days from work are more 'damage limitation' when I'm stressed and need a day or so's quiet space at home. And it's the whole 'exposure' thing.
Today I feel weird. Disconnected from myself, kind of blank and numb, but I don't feel dissociated. Like I'm sedated. But I've been taking my minimum medication the past 2 days, so shouldn't be extra sedated medically. It's like my feelings have gone into hiding, but quietly. Does that make sense?
Filling others needs is a long term pattern of mine. I thought I'd overcome it, but recently it seems that things're kind of wobbly on that front. More work is needed to really define who and where I am. Which is part of what therapy is about, for me.
How I'm feeling today is kind of detached from myself. As if the past week has been a dream and I've woken up into a new reality that I don't quite know yet. If I had DID I would make sense of it in terms of switching, but I don't have full DID. [at least, I've not been fully assessed for it, anyway..] I guess it is understandable in Complex PTSD terms, though. I need to understand this some more...
It might seem strange to some of you, but I do tend to have real difficulties with relationships. Not in a classic 'borderline' sense, but more in a way of not being properly able to read people unless things're explained clearly and I'm reassured. Especially when I'm feeling fragile.
I understand. I need things spelled out for me emotionally.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
