Ok so.
I've been with the lady 7 months now, but in the last month or so she's seemed a lot less interested in sex. So I asked (perhaps a little bluntly), if everyone was ok in that respect etc. And she assured me that she was very happy with it all, still keen, that there were reasons for the recent.. inactivity (forgetting the pill, going on, illness).
[A few days ago we'd had sex, and I thought something was wrong, she said it was fine, then later said it was really uncomfortable, but she didn't say anything 'cos she didn't want to spoil it for me :|. I wasn't very happy about that but anyway..]
Then after she'd reassured me things were fine and she still really enjoyed the intimacy, I started kissing her body (not sexual, just affection) and she said "hurry up, I want to go to sleep", which wasn't exactly confidence-building.
And then today, I was stroking her, started touching her more sexually, and expressed a bit of surprise that she was letting me (considering the recent month or so), and she said, "If I don't let you you'll just sulk" - and that really hurt.
I've never pressurised her for sex, don't go on about it, don't expect it frequently, understand if she doesn't want to etc. But that really annoyed me, to me it sounds like "Oh go on then, I'll let you do it but I'm not enjoying it, please just hurry up", which is not a good thing to hear, right?
I guess what annoyed me most was it came right after she'd said everything was fine, so I feel a little betrayed; like I'm just an annoyance to placate "yes yes its fine now be quiet" rather than someoen/thing important.
i don't think you're overreacting, she seems to be being pretty unreasonable. not in the way that she's being off about sex but i don't feel she's being totally honest as to why. i've had this a couple of times and it really shakes you're confidence if they can't tell you that its not about you.
all i can say is try and have a really honest chat with her about it. make sure she knows that you're not pressuring her and you'll go without it for as long as she needs, and if its something you can help with then you need to know or at least know that its out of your control.
being totally honest though when this has happened to me the relationship didn't last much longer.
x
we're falling apart, together.
why can't i feel anything for anyone other than you?
Ive worn quite a few of those T-shirts! I know EXCATLY what you mean and are going thru. Word for word almost.
I think its genetic programming and in my experience its the first signs of "nest building syndrome". Is she looking more thoroughly thru the Ikea and Habitat catalogues? Do you find the "lettings" page open in the newspaper?? IS she noticing just how messy you really are and how those new beige and chocolate cusions from John Lewis would "really brighten up this mess"?
Dude i was in a relationship for almost 10 years and for 6 of those years i was made to feel guilty for "having sex" with her. Ive had the "i didnt want to upset you" talk too, and; not being a totally insensitive GIT i didnt just go ahead and do it. Im sure you feel the same. She needs to know how upset you are. Dont mince your words. Tell her how you have been left to feel.
The rest is in the lap of the gods. Women are strange creatures. Cute and yummy but STRANGE!!!!!
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Hmmm... I've been that girl, a number of times. After a few months in a relationship, I find that guys only try to kiss/touch/be affectionate wih their girl when they wanna get some. This may not be your case I know, but if a girl feels like thats all you want them for it doesn't do a lot for the ol' sex drive. My bf rarely holds my hand or anything like that any more. He doesn't touch me at all then goes straight for 'down there' and its a total turn off!!
Thats just my experience of that situation anyway.
Good luck xx
If the only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing, then I must be a f***ing genius
I agree with others, I know this is horrible to say, but i have had feelings for others while being with my boyfriend, and i didnt like being sexual with him while i had feeling for others.
Sorry hunny.
Hope you get sorted. Just ask her, thats all you can do.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
Whilst it is possible that she has cheated, it's also highly likely that she hasn't. I go through periods of having a really high sex drive, and also not wanting it at all - and it's nothing to do with the person I happen to be seeing at the time. It's just me, and it's normal. Most of my girl friends, whether in a relationship or not, long term or short, go through this, although it's more likely, as a rule, after you've been dating a couple of months or whatever and the initial urge to ravish each against a wall or something or other the moment you see each other has diminished a bit ;)
Talk to her. Let her know that you want to please her in bed, and for it not to just be something she "lets you do". Perhaps ban penetrative sex for a month or something, and start from the beginning again? Do a day where you pamper her? Run her a nice hot bath with candles and bath bombs and stuff and then give her a massage? Watch a film together under a duvet, give her a foot rub after a hot long day. Stuff like that that is still initiating contact but in a purely non-sexual way?
Something my friend did for his girlfriend when he had the same kind of problem was make her a book of vouchers that she could "redeem" whenever she wanted to. Like "exchange for a half hour long massage"; "exchange for a foot rub"; "exchange for me cooking a meal for you" etc etc. That way she can "redeem" them when she feels comfortable, but as you've given them to her it's not like she feels she's demanding/asking for it, if that makes sense?
I hope this is more coherant than I think it is But I just want to re-itterate that I don't think it's likely that she's cheating on you - have faith in her.
i say first talk to her and yes let her know you feel bad about this
she has to be honest with you
i don't think this means she's cheating
but she has to tell you what's going on, why she says what she says what's the reason of the 'uncomfortableness'
and you have to tell her how all this makes you feel
I've also been that girl, and its generally because I haven't been feeling the love from him for lack of a better way to say it.
Sometimes it feels like my boyfriend and I are just 2 friends who are sleeping together, rather then 2 people in love. It usually starts to happen when we aren't getting to spend a lot of "us" time together doing relationship-y non sexual things. When things get like this I still enjoy sleeping with him, it's just not as intimate as I would like, which can be upsetting.
I think mostly all girls, as much as they deny it, like romantic stuff at least once in a while. Candles, an indoor picnic on the floor, a surprise dinner etc can all help relight her spark if thats whats missing.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
"Sometimes it feels like my boyfriend and I are just 2 friends who are sleeping together, rather then 2 people in love. It usually starts to happen when we aren't getting to spend a lot of "us" time together doing relationship-y non sexual things. When things get like this I still enjoy sleeping with him, it's just not as intimate as I would like, which can be upsetting. "
Word.
We had a talk last night and I think things are sorted. I'm 100% confident she hasn't cheated, put it down to exam stress/misinterpretation and so on and so forth.
Thanks for all your advice, muchly appreciated :)
"Sometimes it feels like my boyfriend and I are just 2 friends who are sleeping together, rather then 2 people in love. It usually starts to happen when we aren't getting to spend a lot of "us" time together doing relationship-y non sexual things. When things get like this I still enjoy sleeping with him, it's just not as intimate as I would like, which can be upsetting. "
Word.
Is it bad that I'm amused that one word can convey such deep understanding?
Back on topic - I'm glad you guys had a chat and got it all sorted hopefully things go well from here.
I also didn't mention in my last post that I've never cheated, and I've felt like that, so I don't think it's always a sign of infidelity.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
But I just want to re-itterate that I don't think it's likely that she's cheating on you - have faith in her. 
