Triggering (SI) - my mother is my trigger......

[xSoFtBaLlgirly5x]

My mother triggers me every minute of my life
she has turned me into the self destructive person I am today.
She tells me all the time that if I wasnt here she could have been up and gone somewhere and that she never wanted a little girl(I have 3 older brothers-26,27,28 yrs old).
She blames me ALL the time for her probems and her troubles/fustrations in her life. I never asked to be brought into this world...it was her choice.
Another thing she tells me all the time is that she should have got rid of me while she had the chance and that I am such a disappointment and she cant stand to be seen with me! This stuff she says is soo hurtful and she doesnt even care! She doesnt even notice how self destructive it is for me. When your soo used to hearing all those hateful words/actions towards you...you just start to buy into it and thats what I have done. I know a lot of the stuff she says is wrong but I let myself believe it is the truth. I would rather hurt myself and die than have to live here one more year with that hateful heartbreaking *****.
When she first found out 3 years ago that I SHed....she told me that I had ripped her heart out and stomped on it. That she never thought I would be the promblem child. What mother or human being at that fact says something like that to someone, there own daughter. She never once sat down and talked about it with me...NOT ONCE.
And she thinks I stopped too which is the funny part.
I just hate her soo much! Is that wrong to hate your own mother? The person who gave you life?

Well I didnt exspect this to be that long....Im sorry! I just have soo much going on and cutting just doesnt seem like enough any more!!
Thanks for caring!

<3 Ashley

[green.eyes]

hey
i'm so sorry you have to deal with such a negative influence in your own home and i think its perfectly understandable that you have grown to hate someone who makes you feel so bad. all i can say is that no-one has the right to make you feel this way, no one. try to detach yourself from what she says and remember that she does not determine your self worth, you are a worthwhile person for your own sake. people care about you for you and those are the people you should listen to. your mum obviously has a lot of resentment but its not fair for her to take it out on you. you dont deserve it
*hugs tight*
take care
PM me anytime

[Raining_Butterfly]

I am soo sorry to hear you have to deal with that. A mother should be supportive, not destructive to their child's mind. You're right, it was her choice to bring you into this world, and it was her choice to raise you. You didn't ask for this BS, and you don't deserve it. Therefore, it needs to stop. If you have tried all methods in attempting to work things out (Talking, Writing Letters, etc), then somebody else needs to know. What adult do you trust? Maybe you could go to one of your brothers, maybe they could talk to her. And, if all else fails, go see a staff member at your school; they'll help.

Until something gets worked out, you have my prayers and best wishes. If you ever need anything, my PM box is always open. *Hug*

~Erika

[Ingenue]

Hey huni.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. None of this is your fault and you shouldn't be sorry about the length of your post we are here to help.
Your mum shouldn't have said any of the things she said to you, you are right in saying you didn't ask for any of this and you haven't done anything to deserve it.
Now i know its incredibly hard to ignore the hurtful words your mother is saying as it is your mother (believe me i know how hard it can be) but i want to promise you that anything she is is saying is not true and you shouldn't accept it.

Now i know the more something is said the more we take it to heart, but you shouldn't take her hurtful comments to heart like green eyes said try and put a block to her comments and realise that she does not determine your self worth.
Only you can determine your self worth.

And from what i can tell your worth a million times the credit you are giving yourself at the moment.
Try and look at yourself from a different perspective, look at yourself from your eyes and not your mothers.

I think raining butterfly is right in saying if you have tried all methods to talk to her about how she is making you feel then maybe try to talk to one of your brothers about it? or a teacher at college/school?
Trust me when i say telling someone about how you feel can make a huge difference to your situation.
You should not have to deal with any of this.
You don't deserve it, please believe that.

Keep fighting this hun. You deserve so much more from life.
For yourself.

Good luck && remember were always here to help.
Or my pm box is always open

Jane =]

[Getting_There_Monkey]

I don't know what I can add without repeating the great advice andt hings others have said above me.

I hope you can get this sorted is there anyone you can live with for a while?

(((hugs)))