Hey Pebbles,
It really sounds like things are so hard for you at the moment, that maybe all of what you're feeling is overwhelming and you're just tired of dealing with it. I understand how you feel but things
do get better - even if you can't see it.
What is it about your life that is so shit? I know sometimes living can be extrememly challenging and difficult, but it's not always going to be that way, and it's going to change and flucuate and get better. You're right - it will get better, you just have to be around to see it.
Depression is like a cloud, it fogs up your vision and all you can see are the negative things and the darkness, you can't see past the fog which means you can't see the good things, and the fact that life gets better. I'm not blaming you for that - because that's how it is for almost all sufferers of depression. It's difficult and it is times like this when you're surrounded by fog that you have to ask for help and reach out to the people around you for support, don't try and go through this alone hun *squishes*
Are you speaking to a professional, such as a counsellor or a psychologist? You might find it helpful especially to deal with these intense thoughts of self harm.
Nighttimes are generally really hard, s there something you can do to distract yourself, your something at night you can plan to do that you enjoy yourself? Even if it is playing on the RYL Arcade or having fun in the fun and distractions forum here, just something to give yourself a distraction, or something to give you safety - maybe sitting with a stuffed toy in your lap (i have an eeyore!:P) or maybe call a friend and tlak to them, or jump on msn and distract yourself there. You could even look at the
The BIG Distraction Page! for ideas.
Living is hard for you at the moment and I can tell you're tired of it, give yourself a break, take some time out to do something for yourself and take your mind off things, maybe something creative like writing or drawing (that will also help expression of your emotions) which might relieve some urges.
It will get better - in your heart of hearts I'm sure you know that too. Keep fighting, we're here for you, and we're going to help you through this to that point where you can finally say "things are better." Because they will be.
Best Wishes
Aimee xo
