My mum knows exactly how to make me upset. 20 minuts ago she turned off the internet, and I was really triggered before that, but i was keeping myself away from SI by chatting in this forum-thingy. And she said I was like a little baby, and that she needs to watch over me all the time, because im obviously not mature enough to understand that internet in the middle of the night is not normal(its 3 in the night here btw).
Soo, she went to bed, and I put it on again(shame on me). And like just now she came down again and said to me; you're turning into a disgusting, nasty bitch....with your only boyfriend being your computer...and you're making everyone elses lives worse by acting the way you do, is this what you want? You're probably gonna sleep all day tomorrow too, and not get up and do stuff like a normal teenager....I talked to a psychiatrist about you and *blablablabla*
I asked her to stop, but she kept talking, so I turned up the music, and she left. It hurts, because I know it's true what she's saying....And it makes me wanna disappear, get out of everyones way :/ Because I dont feel like im able to pull myself together or change....The only way I know how to cope now is SI. Im all alone, no one in msn I can talk too..I texted my friend, but she's not answering. I feel so alone, and cutting helps...But ive already done it once today...Help?:/
Oh, dear, I know exactly how you feel. Except, instead of my mom doing it, these two boys do it. I'm on the computer a lot, sometimes until 5 am. And you want to know why? Because it's my get a away, my distraction, and by the sounds of it, it's the same for you. And there's nothing wrong with that, alright? It's normal for a human being to want to be happy, and to want to find a distraction from the things that hurt us. In fact, it's a smart thing; something no little baby could think of doing. When your mother says those things, just block it out. Nobody has the right to downgrade you. Nobody.
Oh, and you're not in any body's way. You're not in your Mom's way, either. They - as in, those that hurt you/are annoyed with you/etc - are in your way. She's in your way. Anybody who hurts you, downgrades you, or thinks bad of you is in the way of letting you succeed. How do you fix that? Ignore them.
~Erika xoxo
"You can remember anything, real or not; it's all just an invention of the mind." Raining_Butterfly . Understanding. PM any time .
"I'm scarred all over,
both on the in and the out.
There's no way out,
no way to escape this now. " Not Ready To Stop . Depressed . Left Out .
How you're acting, it's perfectly normal! Almost all teenager stay up rediculously late, and spend WAY to much time on the internet (me being one of them). It's not doing anyone any harm. I think that it was amazing that you chose to distract yourself and to stay away from things that were triggering you (mother not included). Seriously, you're 17, we eat, sleep, do homework and hang out with friends. And act without thinking... But that's a given:P
Please don't feel bad. Your mom probably was haveing a bad day. Unless she always acts like that, that's different.
It's NOT true what she is saying, not at all.
You can change anything you want... All you have to do is work your butt off! Look at your signature... That's all you have to remeber. Today is not the rest of your life. You can do this!
If you ever need to talk, PM me anytime<3
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
oh, gash she came down, again. Just when i'd almost calmed down, and...She said I had to get up early tomorrow and go with them to this church-thing...And if i didnt come, I had to get up before 9 anyway...if not she would lock the kitchen door so i wouldnt be able to eat until they return.
Your mom is just trying to be a mom, and she is probably unsure of how to talk to you right now, so she is defaulting on doing things that she think will get your attention.
It sounds like you and your mom need to have a long talk about how you are feeling and see if you can work out a "happy medium" where both of you are more happy instead of the situation you are in now, where you both appear to be making each other miserable.
Maybe you could work on finding some alternative distractions besides using the Internet so that when she turns it off you have something else to do to keep your mind off things? I think it's easier to find distractions if you have something planned out ahead of time rather then trying to find something while you are upset and triggered.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Well, she's had 3 kids before me so, she should have som experience:P And my dad never act that way. I dont get her, she always tells me that my little brother's not gonna turn out like me. Soo, why is she concerned about what im doing if im already a lost case?
We've had lots of looong talks...Doesnt help.
There's not really a lot of stuff I can do in the middle of the night as distractions.
Oh, what a typical "mum-thing" to do, turning off the net.
You know kiddo, it's just the way mums are. I am 26 and my mum still tries to control every aspect of my life, pokes her nose in everything, talks to me like i am a naughty child and so on and so forth.
Back when i was your age, i did the same thing. Stayed up all night, browsing the net, writing emails, watching filmsm or on the phone to my darling.
My mum didn't understand ANYTHING i did back then. Our communication mainly consisted of her screaming at me and me walking away from her saying "i can't be bothered to talk to you if you're gonna scream at me!!"
And the talks.... Oh god, the talks. They are no use!!!! Because you can make all the arrangements in the world with your mum but she'll never stick to them because she can't surpress her nature as a mum.
So what is my point with this????? The point is, that no matter how well you behave, how polite you are and so forth she will ALWAYS find something to nag you over. So just do your best to keep her happy and let the snide remarks go through one ear and out of the other.
I promise you, it's gonna get better when you move out. Then she'll actually start to miss you. And maybe she'll question the way she treated you back then. But for now.... Well, mums are creatures beyond any common sense, and no matter what you do you can't please them. So just be yourself and do your stuff because at the end of the day all that matters is if you stay true to yourself.
If your mother thought you were a lost cause she would be ignoring you, not trying to get your attention by punishing you.
Maybe a long talk with a mediator would help, some family counselors do this quite frequently, or you could use someone else that you both trust. That way there is a 3rd person there who can help you guys both understand what each other are saying.
As for distractions there are all sorts of quiet, off line things you could do. Reading, writing a story, drawing, sewing, listening to music on headphones etc. I know people here have lots of good ideas for distractions that may be able to help you.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
I'm sorry that you don't feel well, I understand what you said, my brother always says the same to me, but he doesn't understand, that sometimes the best thing to not cut it's to be online and talk with the people who do know and can help you, especially when you're about to cut and need to think in something else or even better stop thinking about cutting. If you need to talk let me know, you're alone.
My RYL family
Little sisters:Shae-Lynn*, Ugly.Duckling,Rainey, NaiveRagDoll
Special little sister: save_myself
Niece: Brenro
