I know after today's reply in the discussion thread i prolly dont deserve any support, but i have to ask anyways....
Im just so ****ing lonely.
I've been engulfed suddenly by this horrible sadness. It's just swallowed me up out of nowhere.
Everything was going well, i was actually really positive, then i ****ed up the dr's bit and since then ive been sliding down. I cant answer most posts because im on such shaky ground right now. I'm (or is it was) trying to recover from a few things and once again...no help.
Im just...
tired. so very very tired. its over 20 years of this ****, when does it end?? DOES it end??? Cos i cant live like this. But it cant always be this way i had proof of it.
I dont know what i want...i guess i want my happy back...if thats what it was...or was it psuedo-manic feelings or some such doc's big fancy word?
and the bitch in my head telling me "it isnt a matter of time, its a matter of ppl dont really like you anyways and hope if they ignore you, you would go away".
l keep wondering what affect all this will/is having on my daughter? I'm not stupid enought to think there is no affect she's 16 ffs... We've talked, she knows she can ask any question, anytime; she even know she can write it down and just give it me and i'll answer back in a letter if that's how she wants it at first. . Whatever wat she feels best with , i'll do it. but oh god..i see kids HER age on here and cant help but wonder...am i creating another the next gneration of ryl'ers?
What am i doing? what have i DONE?
maybe im grieving losing my parents (no, they didnt die for those who dont know), we just had to cut off contact for a myriad of reasons.
sorry, you all have better things to do than read crap from my life/head..
romp
*hugs you* Sorry I don't have many words right now, but I read. The good thing is though, that you've talked about it with her, and that you've let her know that whenever she wants to ask questions, and however she wants to ask questions, you'll answer them, and I think that's important.
I'm going to echo Trace a bit here, but if she does end up needing help, none of it's you're fault. None of it at all.
have some more *huge hugs*
I'm only a PM away if you want to talk anytime.
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
Hey babes... **Major Hugs** I'm sorry you are have a hard time.
I know its hard to believe, but like you said to me on sooo many occasions. it will get better, if ya just hold tight!
hey romp, sorry only just seen your thread, dont ever think we dont care sweet just maybe people arent around.... didnt read what you said in the discussion bit and to be honest dont really care cos it wouldnt make me think any differently of you :)
as for your daughter, look at in the way that she is someone that wont be so ignorant about the "disease" (if thats the right word??) and maybe she'll be stronger for it..... i dont think she would ever start doing it lightly, shes seen how hard it is for you to live with........ however i dont think any of us just chose to do it to start with, but hopefully where you both seem quite open with the subject i would have thought she would come to you about problems anyway before it got too bad.
sending loads of love and huggles xx
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
Heya Romp,
It does end, really it does. It did for me.
Major hugs to you!
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
)
.gif "rose")
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!! 
