Triggering (SI) - Joined the Club **possibly suicidal too**

IhaveHope · 22-05-2008, 07:20 PM

Well, I was admitted to the emergency room Sunday night for a huge panic attack complete with heart palpitations. The stress of my ex leaving me finally got to be too much. My PC catching a virus did nothing to help the matter.
I spent five hours in the ER. They did all the usual tests; x-rays, drew blood, EKG. The entire time I'm trying to calm myself because the hospital gown kept shifting up. That wouldn't have been a huge problem if I didn't have a mass of cuts on my left thigh.
So no, I didn't lie about my ex being a cutter. She really is and I really DO want to understand this better. I just need to add that I want to figure this out to help myself too. I have only cut in times of severe stress. Before she left, it had only been twice so yeah, I'm a virgin. After she left, the body count rose to 10....then 11. It's tapered off though. The depression and thoughts of death have not. No, I am not suicidal, but I often wish I wouldn't wake up in the morning.
~C

Just Believe. · 22-05-2008, 07:22 PM

Heya,

I'm sorry that your finding things hard just now. Do you have any support just now? It sounds like you could do with some.

Try and take care of yourself and I'm just a pm away if you need to talk or anything.

*cuddles*

Kirsty x

IhaveHope · 22-05-2008, 07:34 PM

Support, yes. I see a counselor once a week; I have 2 GOOD friends who will listen to me go on and on for hours; I have some other friends that will listen for a limited amount of time before they get sick of hearing me; family is not real close at the moment-physically or otherwise-but they DO listen if I need to talk. My roommate is actually a social services major. He listens for a time, but tries to push too hard for me to move on, tries to discourage thoughts of possible reconciliation, etc. so I try not to bering this up too much at all. Maybe having to call 911 on Sunday night got through to him that he really needs to let me talk, even if it means tuning out and not really listening.

Just Believe. · 22-05-2008, 07:39 PM

Can you tell your counsellor how you are feeling just now? I'm glad that you have lots of support around you do you feel able to be honest with any of them? Enough for them to help you?
x

IhaveHope · 22-05-2008, 07:47 PM

yes, one of my 2 good friends (another cutter, actually) knows it all. I tell him everything because he can relate so well.
My counselor...well, I see her on Tuesday. She and I had the first really helpful appt. this past week. The appts. with her are fairly recent. I have some trust issues, but it's getting better.