Triggering (SI/ED) - One thing gets better, another worse...

Mimsy · 16-06-2007, 10:52 PM

I don't really know whether I want to make this post or not..I'm quite nervous but I could do with some support. I'm 6 months SI free which is getting easier-ish. Recently I've found it even more hard...I'm not sure why, but I'm even more attracted to just destroying everything thats healed. Since I stopped my SI, I slowly and steadily stopped eating and started more excercising.. my weights dropped along with my dress size but my confidence just gets lower. I just feel like I can't handle things at the moment. I really feel like I'm letting people down by doing this. I sit down and feel my stomachs rolls out in front of me and I feel fat. I don't know what to do, or how to control it. Sorry this is a babble..I just need to get it out.

SugarKane · 17-06-2007, 02:06 AM

Do you think maybe you're replacing the SI with just another form of it, and that you haven't really tackled the underlying problems? Why/how did you stop the SI, was it a conscious decision? I dunno, it sounds like you've replaced the feeling of control that SI was giving you, with instead the control over your weight and size. It's easy to slip from one to another without realising it or even really intending to. Did you have any sort of help or counselling for your SI, advice on healthier ways of coping with bad feelings? Because even though you stopped the SI, the underlying issues that caused you to do it may well still be there. Don't feel like you're babbling or be nervous about posting, and I hope you find the support you need on here x

Fakesmile · 17-06-2007, 03:06 AM

Just wanted to say that i agree with Sugarkane. It sounds to me like you've just replaced one type of SI with another. If you're not in counseling maybe you should look into it to help you deal with those underlying issues. And don't be nervous, that's what we are here for.

Margo · 18-06-2007, 02:34 PM

Noooo i just wrote a load of stuff and its gone!! Grrrrr.

I was saying that i agree with the above. It does sound like you have replaced one thing with the other.

It is however a step forward! It is because you are trying to stop and it may not be the best way but at least you are trying and thats a really good thing and a positive thing.

I do believe that you need to get to the bottom of this. If you can get help then i would seriously consider it. well done for not cutting.

Try to stay safe and contemplate.

Take care

Matthew x

Mimsy · 18-06-2007, 06:42 PM

Thanks for your responses :) Its nice to know that people are listening!
I guess I agree with you, its a form of control for me I guess. I don't know whether I'll ever get to the bottom of the whys and hows to be honest...I just want to be normal!
I guess I thought stopping cutting would be the end of it, but its not.

Lora · 18-06-2007, 10:08 PM

i really do know how you feel hun, i havent cut in over a month, and in the last 3 or 4 months ive only cut a couple of times, which is very good for me, to say i was in and out of a&e constantly for stitches and oding for months. but after i ODed my parents found out everything so i kinda had to stop cutting, i saw how much i was hurting them, but since then, ive hardly cut, but i think ive replaced it, i hardly eat, and i drink often in my room alone, and before work,
hun, youre not alone, i know how you feel, but things will get better, and you are strong to keep fighting, so many others would have given in,
6 months SI free is amazing, and i only hope and wish i was strong enough to do that, you are an inspiration
take care hun, im here if you ever want to talk
love lora xx